Gypsy Rose Lee belted out the news:

“Curtain up, light the lights, you’ve got nothing to hit but the heights.”

Thus, on Oct. 13 did the first Demobate of the 2015-16 election season climax weeks of hoopla. Or, as the late Redd Foxx teased, “This is the big one, Elizabeth.”

Debate sponsor CNN blitzed it like the Super Bowl. Pundits predicted, then analyzed, every not-yet-spoken syllable as though tattling the pirated copy of a hot new cable series. The report that popcorn sales soared last week is as yet unconfirmed.

Vegas — the perfect venue for Madame Secretary to perform a Siegfried & Roy on wild-and-woolly Bernie Sanders of Vermont, as Wayne Newton looked on.

If conservative Republicans could send in a Trumped-up ringmaster to pillage and burn opponents, surely the liberals might sneak a few stink bombs through the metal detector.

Well, the audience was in for a pleasant disappointment. This go-round seemed more lively current events lesson than lurid soap opera, with many finger jabs but no saliva sprayed, no bones broken or blood shed.

After Cheryl Crow’s rasping rendition of the national anthem (I was so hoping for Billy Joel), out trotted the Fab Five — chins up, shoulders squared, proper dark suits, interesting ties. Only Sen. Jim Webb appeared frumpy: bad hair day, cranky as a bear with a toothache.

Odds on Hillary would wear red. But no, her navy blue tunic and slim pants reminded me of a nun channeling Nehru. Delicate jewelry, wrinkle-softening makeup, fresh root touch-up on her semi-bouffant locks completed the image. She looked good, almost like one of the boys.

Memo to handlers: Lose that mouth-wide-open cackle.

Moderator Anderson Cooper was “Gotcha!” from the get-go, spitting out questions like watermelon seeds. His inflammatory delivery inflamed no one because, as usual, the candidates ignored his questions (except for Hillary’s terse “no”) and rambled off in other directions. You can ask Bernie about the weather and he’ll work “the poor,” “billionaires” and “Wall Street” into the answer.

That noise you hear is the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas rattling their coffins.

This was America’s first opportunity to feel Bernie out and probe for specifics. I knew Bernie well; he was mayor of Burlington, Vt., where I lived and worked for 21 years. He became my congressman, then senator. I wrote about him many times, including in Washington, where I shadowed him and Vermont’s senators, each for a day.

I know his stump speech about the “working (now changed to “middle,” which sounds less socialistic) class” by heart — a heart that cried, realizing how radical he must sound to the average Joe, who takes his call for a “political revolution” to mean dust off the guillotines. As for his mixed message on gun control, I’d bet the farm that Bernie wants to prosecute gun manufacturers up the wazoo but must acknowledge the weapon-toting Vermonters who elected him.

Still, the thought of Bernie sitting across from Putin or Saudi sheiks gives me the willies. Couldn’t we have a co-presidency, Bernie for domestic matters, Hillary for foreign?

The saddest fun was watching Webb, Chaffee and O’Malley try to establish themselves as viable, which they are not. Thank you, Sen. Webb, for your service in Vietnam. Bravo, Gov. O’Malley, for tackling crime in Baltimore. Sen. Chaffee, you certainly are a block of granite, although not likely to be carved into Mount Rushmore. Now go home and tell the grandchildren that you ran for president.

At least this debate put meat back on the bones of a campaign long on frippery, short on gravitas.

Look at it this way: Unless Joe Biden runs, we’re taking a gamble, no matter who’s elected from either party. Hillary may be the fait accompli candidate, but slimming tunics and stylish coifs cannot forever hide her faults.

And the Republicans are in deep doo-doo (deeper than Sarah Palin) if The Donald doesn’t shoot himself in the foot, sooner the better, with a gun-show Glock so somebody with credentials better than three trophy wives and a real estate empire can come forward.

Because this time, what happened in Vegas definitely won’t stay there.

 

(4) comments

Mark Hayes

That's all they have to offer " free stuff ", although it may sound good when your party and candidate is ahead in the polls it also must make one wonder how much out of their own pocket that victory will cost them, because there are those who are Democrats that are not thrilled about supporting these many programs being introduced by their own candidates, nothing will make one change parties quicker than the thought of parting with more cash by supporting that party.

Charlie Salinero

Must not have been viewing the same debate; whereas, AC never followed up on his "4 persons lost there life there [in Benghazi]' and of course, Hildabeast never conveniently got 'to it.' This was another softball interview which displayed how far-left the new Democratic party has slid; seemed like everyone--except Webb--was trying to out-give the other in terms of 'free stuff.'

Mark Hayes

Bernie Sanders must either be the worst manager of his own finances or have the ethics of a saint, as long as he has been in politics and still have such a small amount in net worth does indicate one of two things he is either very honest or has not been able to learn how to game the system, Hillary on the other hand has learned well how to game the system and has no problem with never being proclaimed a saint, how the poor or low income can even consider her as their choice baffles the mind.

I wonder how many past presidential candidates were the subject of an FBI investigation. Also can anyone name 1 thing she accomplished during her tenure as Sec of State?

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Comments that violate any of the rules above are subject to removal by staff.

Thank you for Reading!

Please purchase a subscription to continue reading. Subscribe today and support local community journalism.

Digital Only Subscriptions

Thank you for visiting ThePilot.com and supporting award-winning community journalism. Not everyone wants to have a newspaper delivered to their home, but they want to keep up with the latest news in Moore County. Click here to gain digital-only access and support local journalism.

Starting at
$1.07 for 1 day

Connect Print Subscription to Digital Access

Thank you for visiting ThePilot.com. Your Pilot subscription entitles you to unlimited digital access. Simply log in. From the home page, click on Subscription Services. Then click on "Pilot All Access Print Subscribers." It should show your phone number . If so, click "Sign Up." After a few seconds, it will take you back to the home page. Log out, then log back in. You're set! For any problems, call our customer service number at 910-693-2487 or 693-2488.

Free access for current print subscribers