I confess to being a long-term sufferer of Trump Derangement Syndrome. At first, I thought this “syndrome” was a lame attempt by Republican pundits to actually make a joke. But I am beginning to realize that “Trump Derangement Syndrome” is, sadly, real in light of how this “stable genius” has graced America and the world.

There is indeed a widespread irrational contempt for Donald Trump, an especially perverse posture in light of and all he has sacrificed for America, indeed for the world. I am beginning to see the light. Perhaps before Trump is forced to leave office — whether impeached, voted out of office or snatched away in a butterfly net — I can repent and be converted.

Lindsay Graham was converted. Why not a lesser being such as I?

Senator Graham once spoke of Trump as a “race baiting, xenophobic bigot” and “the world’s biggest jackass”; a “wrecking ball”; a “salesman of fear”; a politician “unfit for office”;  “whose ideas are pure gibberish” and “who is incapable of representing a mattress company”; a politician whose “tweets are beneath the dignity of the presidency”; a “poor representation of a Republican” who will issue “a death blow to the GOP’s relationship with Hispanics and women.”

If Graham can be knocked off his high horse like Paul on his way to Damascus and discover that Trump is actually a “thoughtful, good, and strong person,” a golfer with “an accurate drive and an athletic swing,” and a “potential recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize,” well, daggonit, maybe I can too.

Of course, any meaningful conversion will require a period of re-education and ritual atonement, beginning with the requisite rending of garments and ashes thrown over my head. Punishment will no doubt be meted out by the cruelest means, such as forced viewing of Fox TV and the voices

I have cravenly avoided for, well, forever — snooty scolds like Laura Ingraham, Tucker Carlson, and Sean Hannity.

Sleep deprivation will certainly

be part of my re-education.

Nightly high-volume recordings of Rush Limbaugh’s greatest screeds, like Obama’s Kenyan citizenship and Hillary’s emails, should do the trick.

Relocation is another conversion tactic. I hope not to be relocated to one of the camps where we cage asylum seekers and their children. But, whatever it takes. Clearly, after a long course of re-education, I will have to make a public renunciation of my previously held beliefs. I will, for example, be required to state that:

n I no longer believe Trump is hiding his tax returns or using the White House to enrich himself and his family.

n I no longer believe his tax cuts favored the super-rich and placed our economy at risk. (Our economy is on solid ground. No recession on the horizon. Repeat 10 times daily.) 

n I no longer believe that Trump is a danger to our global environment, and that his calls to rejuvenate the fossil fuel industries, dig for oil in previously protected wildlife areas, encourage fracking and abandon the Paris accords on climate change were bad. All good.

n I no longer believe the 19 women who have accused Trump of sexual assault. Or that he paid off porn stars and mistresses. Nor do I any longer believe that Trump said the things he said on the “Access Hollywood” tape. All fake. 

n I no longer believe that Trump has lied to the American people more than 12,000 times since his presidency began. Those are lies made up by the media which, by the way, should be shut down or held liable for all the nasty things they have said about Trump. (Even some Fox newscasters are betraying him. Jiminy Cricket!)

And by the way, in spite of the more than 100 documented contacts the Trump campaign had with Russians, and despite the indicted Russians and Trump campaign workers and employees, I no longer believe Trump and his son and son-in-law had anything unseemly to do with the Russians. They just wouldn’t do it. Nope.

And, what if he did collude? Trump only wants peace with Russia. Why else would he turn on our allies and abase himself in the presence of an old KGB guy like Putin? He’s only trying to get on his good side for the sake of world peace. That’s why he held his Miss Universe contest in Moscow. Rumors of money changing hands or salacious tales are totally unfounded. It all makes sense now.

Finally, would a stand-up guy like Mike Pence and his wife (“Mother”) have stood behind Trump these past few years if there were anything untoward in Trump’s moral hemisphere? No way.

In conclusion, I no longer believe the things I see, hear, taste, touch or smell. I believe only Trump.

I think I’m cured of TDS!

William Shaw, of Pinehurst, is the author of “Fellowship of Dust: Retracing the WWII Journey of Sergeant Frank Shaw.”

(9) comments

Peyton Cook

The investigators of the attempted coup are currently under investigation. Yes the Republicans did initially pay for the dossier, but gave it up. The Clinton campaign hired Fusion GPS to continue opposition research using Steele to dig up dirt on Trump. The FBI and DOJ used the discredited dossier to obtain a FISA warrant to spy of the Trump campaign. This will all come out when the DOJ Inspector General comes out with his report. Because you watch only the “fake” news media, you may not know this.

Jim Tomashoff

Because you only watch Fox News, listen to Limbaugh, and read far-right rags, you never know what you're talking about. Who says the dossier is discredited? So the dossier was a valid undertaking when Republicans paid for it but become "discredited" when Clinton continued to fund it? Great logic. Trump's going to get impeached, he won't be convicted in the Senate because there are few, if any, men and women of principal in the Republican Party anymore (compare them with the Republicans in the Senate, the majority of whom were prepared to convict Nixon). That said,Trump will still be the first ex-President to be arrested, probably by April 20th 2021, tried, and convicted of several felonies, including money laundering for the Russian Mob. Gee, I hope he doesn't drop the soap when taking a shower in prison. That would be a real shame (no it wouldn't).

Peyton Cook

A complete waste of space in the Opinion section. I’m surprised that you cited many of his accomplishments. You still have a bad case of TDS. Do you believe that Clinton would have been a better President, pushing this nation farther done the road toward State Socialism than Obama did?

Sally Larson

Peyton, at this point Clinton has nothing to do with this sociopath we are dealing with now. And to tell you the truth, she may have been better of two evils. I think the Senate would have been able to control her. This president doesn't ever mean to obey the oath of office. He's a disgrace to this country and the sooner we get rid of him the better we all will be.

Peyton Cook

I stand by my comments. Sadly, If you have kept up with Hillary’s background you will find she carries a boatload of negative baggage. As Sec State she violated policy by maintaining a personal server and personal device. To top it off she sent insecure classified emails and then attempted to destroy over 30,000. To top that off she used the Clinton Foundation to enrich her family. To top that her presidential campaign engaged, thru the fake dossier, with the assistance of the Obama Administration to sabotage the Trump campaign. All of the above demonstrates corruption of the highest order. The DOJ is in the process of investigating the efforts to prevent Trump to become President. The continuing efforts to unseat a duly elected President when no evidence of either collusion or corruption has occurred. How would the Senate been able to control her when the President is Chief Executive of the Executive Branch and separate and co-equal with the Legislative and Judicial branches.

Jim Tomashoff

You have a very selective memory and like your President a penchant for believing conspiracy theories when they suit your purpose. Absolutely none of what you believe Clinton did has EVER been proven. Explain that! The dossier was being compiled by Republicans initially (look it up on the Internet, or is it part of the conspiracy too?).

Sally Larson

Oh, and don't forget to lose your moral compass too.

Kent Misegades

In your case TDS appears to be permanent. Sorry for the bad news. There is always hope though - start with the six-week Rush cure: listen for six weeks, three hours a day. See if you can prove him wrong - CNN, MSNBC and other Rush-haters are not credible sources. Then join the moral majority by attending a local evangelical church for six months and working a real job, for instance in industry. Buy your coffee at a Circle K instead of Starbucks. Eat out at the Texas Road House. Turn off the MSM news and listen to AFR.net instead. Basically leave the liberal bubble for a year. You’ll probably never want to go back. You’ll be much happier as a result.

Dan Roman

Catch 23: If Trumps behavior doesn't make you nuts you're nuts. Kent and Peyton fit the mold, Trump lemmings jumping off the cliff, incapable of independent thought.

Unyielding, irrational loyalty to an elderly has been reality actor and lifelong fake flailing about trying to shore up his crumbling manufactured image is beyond ignorance, it's an illness, Kent's comment is a classic example.

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