September 1, 2010
Despite the unrelenting heat, a chill -- unsettling, I mean -- wind blew across what was once called the airwaves . Gotta keep those airwaves moving to satisfy our insatiable hunger for news followed by unending analysis. Poor Michael Douglas -- a good actor if imperfect individual. He, like thousands of other Americans, has stage 4 throat cancer, a result, he admits, of "drinking and smoking." Instead of just wishing him well, the networks trot out their medical correspondents to define and opine the disease while the entertainment shows scream that his ex-wife is suing him this very day for her share of a new movie. Then Michael strides onto "Letterman" wearing enough make-up to embarrass a funeral director and proclaims that he can beat it.. Wasn't that a Michael Jackson line? Poor Zsa Zsa. She's in the hospital again, this time "unresponsive." At 93, following several hospitalizations and surgeries, why such surprise? I don't ever remember Zsa Zsa being unresponsive. She must really be ill. Can the tabloids handle two big names on the sick list? Poor Outer Bankers. Their holiday ruined by -- imagine, in September! -- a hurricane. I'm afraid to approach Walmart for fear of being trampled by carts full of water, bread, batteries and canned beans. Poor President Obama. Jaws dropped on network talking heads when Obama used only 18 minutes of the 60 blocked out for his remarks. Shocked commentators struggled to attach meaning to the simple, the straighforward -- the unremarkable and very brief. The president could at least have told us what he did on his summer vacations . Poor Tiger. A pedastel! A pedastel! My kingdom for a pedastel! I don't follow golf very closely, but you don't have to be a duffer to sense the frustration. Personally, I think he's more upset about his fall from grace (with financial consequences) than his scores. Surely he's scoring better somewhere else. Poor Chilean miners: Can't imagine anything much worse than confinement under those conditions for months. But what a movie it'll make. Speilberg and Cameron must be frothing. Poor emu: I wish people had just let the poor bird alone. Please...cooler weather and better news, soon.