August 22, 2010
Where are the makers of monster movies when you really need them? "Snakes on a Plane?" Amateur. "Willard?" Ratso, at best. "Arachnaphobia?" A walk in the park. But bedbugs invading New York hotels, then movie theaters and now the Empire State Building -- this has to be a terrorist plot. What better way to undermine the economy that set a few trillion bedbugs loose in the Big Apple. Not that bedbugs eat apples. I'm not even sure they eat people. But the very idea of New York's finest (exterminators) not being able to put down an infestation of creepy crawlers is just outrageous. Bedbugs and cockroaches, as I recall, were considered a sign of bad housekeeping. They marched into tenements with dirty floors and unchanged sheets. So what are they doing in an office building? There's always the chance these bedbugs are a hoax, a diversion, to get Leno through the dog days and get people past the unemployment stats. I guess we could blame Lindsay Lohan or global warming, like we blame everything else. You think they've found Al Gore's sleeping bag yet? Or perhaps they were planted by the Chicago Convention and Tourist Bureau. Maybe they took the shuttle up from D.C. where the concept of strange bedfellows, not to mention sleeping with the enemy, originated. One thing's for sure: All of Michael Bloomberg's billions won't sanitize this stain for many, many moons over Manhattan.