"Amendment One: The Wrong Thing" by Amendment One: The Wrong Thing

Amendment One: The Wrong Thing

Blog: Amendment One: The Wrong Thing

May 4, 2012

I know many will dismiss this column as a “religious” intrusion into political and legal affairs, a typical response for our day, but since most columns I've read are devoid of any consideration of the divine in regard to the gay marriage issue, I thought it important to balance the issue by invoking the one reality usually omitted in such discussions, our god: the Flying Spaghetti Monster.From now on, we shall refer to our great lord as the FSM. Let's not have any Christian misconceptions here: it's a well-documented fact that the FSM created humans and the Earth. If you're too ignorant to know what it is, look it up on Wikipedia.

After all, civil rights, at least of the historic kind, emerged from the very source that most modern civil rights activists conveniently ignore. Intelligent people, in fact, believe in a transcendent, absolute, and personal FSM and and that this same Flying Spaghetti Monster is foundational to their efforts. So much a part of their thinking was this reality, that even their classification of “just” and “unjust” laws were determined by the same. “A just law,” they say, “is a man-made code that squares with the moral law or the law of FSM. An unjust law is a man-made code that is out of harmony with the moral law,” In other words, the justness of any human law is directly proportional to its compliance with the transcendent and unchanging law of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Conversely, any law that clashed with the objective law of God was, in the mind of intelligent people, unjust and untranslatable into any “civil rights” as they perceive them.

If alive today, and consistent, I am confident that intelligent people would refer to the original and divine intent of marriage, as noted in the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti, and see it as a union between a human and a human worthy of the greatest protection. He would refer to the creation of humans and humans and then fast forward to Bobby Henderson's belief in civil liberties and human rights that fundamentalist Christians are so eager to violate.

Intelligent people had no problem holding culture's feet to the fire of the Gospel of the FSM when they wrote their “What Civil Liberties Are,” because, as I understood the acclaimed document, they really believed what they wrote and what they wrote was that morality, generally, and “just law,” particularly, sprouted from the pages of the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti itself with every expectation that legislation should logically follow. Conversely, then, without consideration of FSM's law, no logical basis for anything either civil or right exists.

Hence, I have a valid reason for thinking that intelligent people would consider any defense of human rights and civil liberties a worthy cause, and would consider the success of “Amendment One” equivalent to an organized theological revolt. It maligns both the Flying Spaghetti Monster, his prophet and the most basic institution of society, human rights, making mockery of the Divine and natural norm for the human species – the very marital model that Bobby espoused, endorsed, and, with his unfalsifiable writings, authenticated.

I believe they would see this contemporary and favorable slant toward bigotry, homophobia and ignorance as the intentional rejection of the Pastafarian basis from which their movement grew, and if consistent, see this rebellion against the divine standard as intelligent people see it, as a "recognition of the basis human right to not be discriminated against on the basis of stupidity and false religion.” Intending, in fact, that “All of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's creations will finally be treated with the basic compassion that they deserve." (The Flying Spaghetti Monster Who Is There 37).

It doesn't really surprise me that such realities are ignored in the debate on human rights. After all, pulling a page from the civil rights book of intelligent people, particularly one that includes the Gospel of the FSM, would inevitably make “Amendment One” sound very much like the wrong thing to do that it is.

Of course, I'm sure no Christians will see why this is true because they probably think that their fake God is better than ours. That is clearly not the case. The Bible is no less falsifiable than the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster -- however, as only dumb people base morals off of fiction, it is clear that any intelligent person would look to science to see that homosexuality is a perfectly healthy genetic mutation, understand that there is nothing wrong with it, and give homosexuals the basic human rights that they deserve without thumping their bibles and hating people of different races, sexualities, beliefs, etc.

link2eternity 1 year ago

Hello There sk8rlawy3r,

I just want people to know that if your column looks well written, then it was becasue I wrote it, at least the majority of it. I should get the credit for your plagiaristic spoof of my original column. Too bad you couldn't really answer based on the actual column. Give me a few days and I will provide another one that you can claim as your own without informing your readers that you "borrowed" the vast majority of it from me.

Your column sounds a little plagiaristic, don't you think? Particularly since you didn’t tell the readers that is was a take on my original column. Using almost everything from my column for your "atheistic, skeptical" twist.

I do have a few questions about the "flying spaghetti monster," though.

He did rise from the dead and leave us with a confirmable historical trail in the process, right?

He did die due to the rigors or crucifixion - was buried - cause his disciples to doubt and despair because His death challenged their hopes - leave the tomb in which he was buried empty just a few days later - cause the disciples to have real experiences that they believed were actual appearances of the risen FSM - then historically transform the disciples enough to make them willing to die for the truth of these events - make the resurrection the very center of preaching in the early church - proclaim this gospel, including the resurrection, in Jerusalem, the very city where he died - establish the church based on these disciples - change the primary day of worship to Sunday, the very day he was reported to have risen - cause the conversion of his previously skeptical brother, James, - then cause the eventual conversion of Paul, a leader in the persecution of the church by a real experience that he believed was of the risen FSM???? All of this is accredited to the FSM, right?

Oh wait, Jesus rose and left this historic trail, didn't he. The FSM must be a plagiarist also.

(Twelve Historical Fact were presented by Gary Habermas at Southern Evangelical Seminary)

Also, In your "well written" spoof, you malign the theological basis for the civil rights movement that MLK himself noted. Whether or not you believe in the God to which MLK referred and upon whom he admittedly reasoned, does not matter. The fact of the matter is, King and his movement were, according to him, soundly grounded in the Judeo-Christian tradition. You may not like it, but true it is still true.

NOTE TO READERS: My column, the original version from which above said "writer" "BORROWED" without giving credit can be read at the following link in The Pilot: http://www.thepilot.com/weblogs/link2...

TheDevilWearsParadaBitch 1 year ago

@link2eternity Don't bash the FSM. It's an actual religion. So is mayonnaise. People believe in different things. Yeah Jesus may have been a real person, he cleans my yard in the fall. Anyways, I read your article, this guy has a point and you missed it completely. Think about why the amendment is wring and how it's just going to create problems for the younger, open minded and accepting generation. There's enough hate in the world. Don't add to it.

link2eternity 1 year ago

TheDevilWearsParadaBitch,

My point, no matter his intent, was that he used my entire column almost word for word, with a few additions and subtractions here and there, and didn't give credit. He plagerized, plain and simple. As for "actuallity" of the "religion", I am more concerned with the true one. My point is that the physical resurrection confirms christianity's truth claims.

Tony

TheDevilWearsParadaBitch 1 year ago

Theres a FSM websie (totally did not google it) And I have friends at school who believe in it. Anyways, he's probably just a kid. He changed some words up. We saw your article in Journalism class and we had a class discussion. All of us are against the amendment. I had one friend in the class make fun of your article like this kid. It was wrong that he copied it but you have to admitt it's pretty humorous and it does show what the other side of the issue thinks about it. And the "true claims" thing, idk. I'm agnostic so its just like "i'm going to pretend I understand what you mean...oh look shiny"@link2eternity. Still. He's either a really playfully adult or a really smart kid. Chill a bit. He's proven his point, had a bit of fun. It's not like it's a paper for school. I didn't think it's word for word. He/she is just teasing You. Chill. Only a few more days. It bugs me though, how open minded my generation is and how closed minded yours is. We know how to fix the current issues but "we're too young" and this amendment is going to be one more problem for us to fix. Love is love. No matter who its between. And this guy was just trying to pros religion is no excuse. This is stupid and if people don't like gay marriage or domestic partnerships than don't be in one. There's already enough hate in the world.

TheDevilWearsParadaBitch 1 year ago

*prove religon is no excuse

link2eternity 1 year ago

Hello again, TheDevilWearsParadaBitch

You said, "We saw your article in Journalism class and we had a class discussion. All of us are against the amendment. I had one friend in the class make fun of your article like this kid." (Oh look, I gave you credit for your own words, lol)

I'd be interested to know what the jounrnalism class had to say, gnereally speaking that is.

Have each on who doesnt mind doing so, throw me an email or response via this thread, if they have any questions about Christ or any of the above info. It would be a pleasure to interact with them some.

Oh, by the way, he didn't address any of the facts I presented.

Tony

TheDevilWearsParadaBitch 1 year ago

He addressed the fact that the amendment is stupid and discriminates and that religion is a stupid excuse. Anyways, idk if you WANT to hear some of the comments. But I'll see. Some kids will tell you off right on the spot. We hate this amendment. But we can't do anything to stop it. We're just kids. As I said earlier, your generation is leaving a lot of problems for us to fix.

GoldenDreams 1 year ago

Tony, I don't like to see Jesus spoofed because I believe in Christianity and I think it is disrespectful to do so. But as TheDevilWearsPrada says, it was written by a kid so at the very least, you caught his attention and maybe he'll think more about the Bible's claims. I am an evangelical Christian voting no tomorrow on the amendment. I believe too many innocent people will suffer if it is passed,and it probably will be. Still, I worry about the poor children in domestic union situations. Will they lose their insurance? How many women in domestic violence situations? What about unmarried couples whos unions are not recognized and they have emergency situations at the hospital? Too much is left unsaid. Why feed the lawyers? We already have a law that says homosexual couples can't marry so why muddy the waters? God is in control.