Pain to Catholics

Courseaire 2 months ago

One day, Jesus was walking by the Pearly Gates, when St. Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes.

Jesus agreed and in a few minutes he saw an old, old man approach. He walked very slowly, had a halting gait, and long white hair and beard.

'How did you spend your life on earth my son?' asked Jesus. 'I was a simple carpenter for sixty years.' replied the old man.

'And what do you hope to find here in heaven?' asked Jesus. 'I hope to find my son.' said the man

'Well there are millions upon millions of people here, how will you find him?' 'I'll recognize him by the nail holes in his hands and feet,' states the old man.

Jesus does a double take, thinks for a moment and says, 'Father?' The old man looks at Jesus and says, 'Pinocchio?'

fugitiveguy 2 months ago

I have no problem with the column. Maybe next he will satirize Islam? That too would be a hoot. What say you DR? Your fans are begging for more.

"I feel that your position as guardians of the press would protect your readership from the harm that ensues." What exactly kind of harm will ensue us, Monsignor Hendrick? The PRESS is supposed to PRINT all that is GOOD and BAD and UGLY. All of it. What about that HARM that has ensued for the over 17,000 persons who were abused by Catholic Priests? The Catholic Church has paid out over a $ BILLION or so to the VICTIMS of the HORRORS. Maybe the members of the Catholic Church should be more concerned about the HARM THEY HAVE INFLICTED in this world and start to REPENT to the rest of us who have been HARMED by your lack of Compassion, LOVE and RESPECT. Dusty's comments were GREAT. They hurt no one. No one who matters anyway.

wrich49 2 months ago

I'm not saying that Dusty is in any way in the same class as Jesus......but Jesus did use satire in his teachings also. The story of the Good Samaritan as well as many other parables used satire and irony to make the point that church leaders and high officials weren't doing as they were supposed to or even as their own laws taught. The story tells of the priest and the Levite who walked to the other side of the road rather than contaminate themselves by helping an injured man. Then, how ironic...a Samaritan....despised by Jews as unclean half breeds....came to the aid of this Jewish victim. Yes, the man who fell among thieves was a Jew.....someone his own clergy and leader avoided helping. Now you know that these stories got Jesus into a lot of trouble. Jesus knew that the leaders of the Jews in his day needed to hear things that were true even if it got him in trouble. The Parable of The Good Samaritan is my all time favorite.

dustyrhoades 2 months ago

I'm not saying that Dusty is in any way in the same class as Jesus.

Awww....

wrich49 2 months ago

If you want to see a good movie about how the Pope is picked, watch "We Have A Pope." You can rent it on Amazon Instant Video. It shows in detail how the Pope is chosen and has some very funny moments also.

Thatcher 2 months ago

Monsignor-- "(Y)et I suggest that you engage in civility and gentility when such is demanded." Very well said. Luke 23:34. My best to you.

njc17 2 months ago

I thought that Monsignor was quite civil. It's the antichristian and Christian basher that seems to permeate this forum, that has lost their civility. Dusty seems to have gone over the edge on this one.

geoffcutler 2 months ago

Write the same "satire" on Islam. We'll wait, funny boy.

moonchild7 2 months ago

The truth will set you free. njc17, you are mistaken about your belief that some of us are Christian Bashers or anti-christian. Religions and those that practice such beliefs set themselves up to be good examples of said beliefs. So, it is when they fail at those beliefs and don't have the courage to come down off of their "High Perches" and to then be more humble about themselves...is when the true incivility is directed onto the world.

geoffcutler 2 months ago

So, Moon, you'll have some comments then, or satire you'd like to get down on Muslims for when they stone their women to death, throw acid on them, or cut out their eyes, genitalia.... I mean, if your suggestion is that the Catholic church isn't perfect, then surely you must have something to say about that religion as well. C'mon Moon, "the truth will set you free." Tell us more about incivility, and how it should then, according to your model, be directed more widely throughout the religions of the world, and not just targeted at Christianity. You know, since you're not a "Christian Basher" or "anti-Christian."

Tolerance for religious belief means all religions, all beliefs and non-beliefs. Why can't we just let people believe what they want to believe, recognize, chastise, but allow for failure, frailty and mistake, and just leave them alone? Isn't that what real tolerance means? If not, and we feel we must insult or slander a religion, then be ready to spread the crap around more evenly.

njc17 2 months ago

What high perches? who is up there? what exactly are you talking about? The Christian is one who believes in God and that Jesus [Yeshua] is the Son of God and IS GOD in Human form, and He brings Salvation to those who CHOOSE to Believe. No high perch there. We are humbled in God's presence. Father Frank is a leader in the Catholic Church, and a man who wants to be somewhat involved in the lives of men[ women too] and as such has the privilege nay RIGHT and Responsibility to defend the Faith, and charge those who mock the Faith. We need MORE men and women of Faith to stand on principle more often and not cower at the verbal bullies.

JimRussell44 2 months ago

"We need MORE men and women of Faith to stand on principle more often and not cower at the verbal bullies." - njc17. Unless of course, someone is not agreeing with YOUR principles. Those people should sit down and shut up, is that correct njc17? Those "bullies" don't have the right to speak out. While difficult for you to understand, not everyone believes as you do. I have no problem with you believing whatever you want to believe. If I find some of your beliefs amusing, I'm not being a "bully" by having a good laugh at your expense. The fact that you (and Geoff Cutler) react as you do tells me that you must be very insecure in your beliefs to start with. If a few funny stories about your religion bothers you that much, you've got bigger problems with your faith than Dusty or Courseaire or me.

JimHeim 2 months ago

I'm not sure how anyone could justify even light-hearted comedy at the expense of the Vatican when the folks who post here are so gracious to Islam and other religions.

geoffcutler 2 months ago

The jokes here were funny. Who doesn't like a good joke? The monsignors would probably like some them. But that's not what the original piece was. It was more of what Dusty does best. It was plain old insult trying to hide itself as light-hearted comedy. And a lot of those who read it in our community were hurt by it.

And Jim Heim, who has written such here, or as a column in the paper, on Islam or other religions? That's my point. No-one has. But if Dusty's piece was just light-hearted comedy, then let him write another one on Islam, and let's see how funny people think it is.

JimHeim 2 months ago

geoff - It's much easier to write comedy when the topic is known to the audience. Here's an example that got recent laughter in my circle: 'I could tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.' I'll bet you're rolling on the floor.

Everyone here can name a dozen Catholics that they know personally. I expect that there are precious few here who could name even one.

Too, Catholics involve themselves more in American politics than do Muslims. And when you politic, you get lumped with politicians. It goes with the the territory.

Courseaire 2 months ago

A Pakistani comes to America and begins working for the ACLU but is unfamiliar with American advances in toiletry. On his first day on the job he comes back from the men's room saying he can't find any hole in the ground. His boss explains how American plumbing works and sends the Pakistani back. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream shakes the office walls. His boss runs into the bathroom to investigate why he's screaming.

The Pakistani replies, "I am just sitting here on the toilet like you instructed to do and every time I am making to flush, something comes up and squeezes dearly on my poor testicles."

His boss looks at what he's sitting on and says, "You idiot. You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

=============================================

Couldn't resist this one: Q. How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America? A. None, American Liberals will do it all by themselves.

JimHeim 2 months ago

You know, if newspapers (and the media in general) censored themselves to avoid publishing anything that would pain any of their subscribers, the result would be too boring to read.

Or are we supposed to only protect the feelings of Catholics?

wrich49 2 months ago

I only know one joke about Islamic extremists, and I can't remember exactly how it goes. The jist of it is that when the extremists get to heaven there are 70 Virginians waiting for them instead of 70 virgins. Anybody know this one?

JimHeim 2 months ago

wrich, I seem to recall one about how the 70 virgins all turned out out to be Catholic nuns.

Which means I get to insult two religions in a single joke. There must be a Scientology or Mormon tie-in there somewhere.

moonchild7 2 months ago

The Muslim Brotherhood has denounced a soon to be released U.N. Document concerning VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. Apparently they feel it is "upsetting" to Islam's "FAMILY VALUES" and Sharia Law....since it will advocate Sexual Freedom for Women. Again, that is VERY UNFUNNY Geoff. Those are CRIMINAL BELIEFS and ACTIONS for those MEN to be able to continue to brainwash women The fact that PEDOPHILES saturate the CATHOLIC Church is also Unfunny. I wish I knew a joke about Southern Baptists but I'm sure many of you guys know some. Tell us an Islamic joke Geoff.

Courseaire 2 months ago

Southern Baptist Lady: The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services

and taught Sunday School every week.

One Sunday an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.. He noted what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"

"Why yes, that would be nice", the lady responded. Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina . When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested,

"Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no," said the fine example of southern womanhood, "what ever would I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, the gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, "Would you like a smoke?"

"Oh my goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did!"

Well, the man felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with "Ahhh ... Mmmm how would you like to stop at this motel?"

"Sure, that would be nice," she said in anticipation.

The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast U-turn right then and there, and drove back to the motel and checked in.

The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible love making imaginable, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse thought, "What the hell have I done?”

He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing, what ever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

The lady said, "The same thing I always tell them,

"You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time.."

wrich49 2 months ago

Why won't a southern Baptist commit adultery standing up?

Because somebody might think they're dancing!

moonchild7 2 months ago

You're the GREAT ONE Courseaire. Thank You. Now I might at least have a good day.

DingoMike 2 months ago

Courseaire, Holy Cow!!! Now that's funny, I don't care who you are. What is the difference between a catholic, a methodist, and a Baptist in a licqour store?? The methodist and catholic will wave and talk to you in the store!!

mymindwanders 2 months ago

Why did the Jewish person play football? To get the Quarterback...

JimRussell44 2 months ago

You all must stop!!! I just saw the ambulance taking Geoff Cutler away in a straight jacket.

Spocks_Brain 2 months ago

DR Heim and all the gay boosters lmao the new Pope abhors everything you and your gay President believe in, gay marriage, marriage equality, gay adoption, abortion, contraception, lmafoflol Yea you guys are on high moral ground! HEIM didnt even know the state department makes ambassadors march in gay pride parades! lmao!

mymindwanders 2 months ago

Well, there you go again. sperms4 brain.we get it . U don't like homosexual people. Or, U secretly love them. which is it? R U sure...

Courseaire 2 months ago

Here is an excellent explanation of how the gene pool works; a pool Spocks never swam in: http://www.wimp.com/understandgenetics/

mymindwanders 2 months ago

That was plain apPEASing!

Spocks_Brain 2 months ago

This comment was removed by the site staff for violation of the usage agreement.

mymindwanders 2 months ago

Spocks brain-do yourself a favor. Quit turning every thread into your personal gaybashing parade and we will leave you alone. Jeesh! Grow up!

Themis 2 months ago

woah!

Themis 2 months ago

A little country boy went running down the hill to get his father from the corn field. He told his dad there were three men at the house with moma......his dad told him to run back home and find out who they were. If they are Republicans hide the liquor, if they are Liberals hide the guns, if they are Democrats, better hide your mother!

native 2 months ago

The letter writer is presenting the same actions that has the reputation of covering up abuses. Please, there is freedom of speech,but the paper is not and should never be the police of what is printed unless it is personal threat.

JimHeim 2 months ago

Spock - You've still not provided evidence that ambassadors are made to march in gay rights parade. Is it at gunpoint or do they hold their families hostage?

I have found many instances of ambassadors participating but not a single reference to coercion. Maybe you can enlighten us.

JimHeim 2 months ago

Themis - Doggone right! We are all irresistible stud muffins. :)

Themis 2 months ago

I hear ya Jim!!!

Spocks_Brain 2 months ago

Dont think any of these ambassadors have a choice as its policy-cmon Jim its policy they have to do it. Why make a stupid assertion like they are forced at gunpoint-rather if they want to keep there job....be gay all you want no problem but no tax dollars promoting this kind of crap-remember we are broke!

://cnsnews.com/news/article/obamas-ambassador-tells-czech-lgbt-activists-you-have-ally-usa

http://www.budapesttimes.hu/2012/07/17/us-ambassador-in-gay-pride-march/

http://unesco.usmission.gov/unesco-gay-rights.html

http://israel.usembassy.gov/amb06082012.html

Youve got to be kidding me on this one...

U.S. Embassy Launches LGBT Logo Contest

http://athens.usembassy.gov/pr-2012-11.html

JimHeim 2 months ago

Spock - Please show me the evidence that this participation was forced. So far all we know is they represented their country as diplomats usually do.

And gay rights are important to all Americans. We are a nation of equals. Or so someone said a long time ago.

jimt 2 months ago

A reverend, a priest, and a rabbi are playing golf. The reverend asks the priest, "Father, has your congregation shrunk since the Quakers opened that Meeting House of theirs?" "Yes," says the good father, "I'd say at least 15-20%. Yours?" "Mine too," says the reverend. "Hey Rabbi," he calls, "has your congregation shrunk since the Quakers opened their Meeting House a few months ago." "Yes," replies the Rabbi, "some of my best Jews are Friends."

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Pain to Catholics

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