'Deadbeat Dads' Get a Bum Rap

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Some things are neither liberal nor conservative. They favor neither Republicans nor Democrats. But they are important nonetheless.

Chief among these nonpartisan concerns were little-remembered passages from the president's State of the Union address and Sen. Marco Rubio's Republican reply. Both had the same message, and both got it wrong.

The president touted the need to help men become good fathers. It was predicated on the urban myth that a large group of fathers abandon their children and refuse to support them.

In fact, this is based upon a racist idea, one to which even the president ascribes: that young black men desert their children with the same reckless abandon that they father them. Hence, the government needs to intervene to teach these "ignorant" victims of society how to behave.

And Rubio agrees. In his response to the president, he decried the breakdown of the family by describing the plight of "mothers all alone, the father of their child long gone."

Now, the problem of a father abandoning his children does exist. But after 35 years as an attorney litigating family-law custody and child-support battles, I have rarely come across a man, black or white, married or not, who, once convinced of his paternity, did not want to be part of his child's life.

The true problem of the modern family is that one parent or the other demonizes his or her former lover and uses the police and the courts to gain exclusive custody. It is not the father who excludes himself from a child, but a system that, in spite of professing neutrality, too often defaults to maternal custody.

Indeed, there are billions in unpaid child support. But much of this money owed is due to the recalcitrance of fathers to pay money to mothers who see their mission as one to exclude fathers from meaningful roles as co-parents. It is a very unusual day when I go to court and one parent wants to give another more time with a child.

Most fathers would gladly buy their children anything so long as they could tuck them into bed three-and-one-half days per week and see the smile on their face when they come home from school. But too many fathers are relegated to weekend fatherhood or less, interacting with their children only when lack of work permits it. And this is often not for lack of desire, but for lack of judicial permission.

Our courts and our legislature need to rethink the concept of "family" in the 21st century. Like it or not, children will increasingly be born out of wedlock or become the victims of wedlock gone wrong.

To this, our courts must respond with less litigation and greater certainty that both parents will receive frequent and continuing contact with their children.

First, we must guarantee that, absent compelling evidence to dispute it, each parent has the right to 50 percent of the custodial time of their child. Once parents understand that courts will most likely award each parent alternating half-weeks or alternating weeks with a child, fewer parents will tie up courts in custody litigation.

And where each parent makes roughly the same amount of money, there will be no "deadbeat dad" with a child-support debt because there will be no need for child support.

Indeed, fathers will be more willing to buy things they give directly to their children rather than to write a check to a child support collection agent.

Now, clearly this will not work in every case. Some parents live too far apart to effectively co-parent. Some parents are too in love with violence or substance abuse to actually love a child. But these are exceptions, not the rule.

And there is no substitute for an intact nuclear family. Where it exists, it must be applauded. But sadly, in too many cases these too, are becoming exceptions, not the rule.

The legislature must broadcast to the state that where a nuclear family is broken, children are best raised by a father and a mother equally sharing the joys and the burdens.

Robert M. Levy is chairman of the Moore County Republican Party. Contact him at Law52@prodigy.net.

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dustyrhoades 2 months, 2 weeks ago

Bob, where do you practice? Because I've been here since the mid 90's, and don't recall seeing you in family court in Moore County.

JimRussell44 2 months, 2 weeks ago

I would hope that this article will be the cue for Geoff Cutler to break out his "let's all sit around the campfire and sing Kumbaya" remark.

Toyboy52 2 months, 2 weeks ago

@dusty: I practice law in Los Angeles. If you visit there, i not only do Divorce law, I also do conservatorships for people just like you. Don't worry, however. Your need is only temporary for tHe time necessary to complete the exorcism.

JimRussell44 2 months, 2 weeks ago

The chairman of the Republican Party in Moore County NC practices law in Los Angeles, CA. This is all starting to make sense now.

native 2 months, 2 weeks ago

You are wrong on so many levels

Toyboy52 2 months, 2 weeks ago

When i graduated Pinecrest High School and after I graduated UNC Chapel Hill I was open minded abouT liberals. Then I went to Caliifornis to practice law. I saw how liberalism could turn the Golden State into rust. Since I came back home to Pinehurst to semi-retire, i saw it a's my mission to expose the degradation of liberalism and the Welfare State.

Those of you who do not understand the value of a perspective of one who has lived in the high tax welfare state are doomed to repeat the mistakes of a state that I still often visit and I'n which I still work. It is a place in which there is a third world mentality like the liberals would like to establish nationwide.

Bob Levy

mcg2010 2 months, 2 weeks ago

I wish Republicans and Democrats would stop demonizing a single parent household. Yes, the ideal situation might be a two parent family, but that is not always the hand we are dealt. Is it the ideal situation if a parent is abusive? Or in my case, my father passed away when I was 6 years old. My mother never remarried, so it was just me and her. And, if I do say so myself, she did a phenomenal job on her own. I never really wanted for anything, I was raised to make the right choices, I have never been in trouble with the law, or felt the need to rebel with drugs or alcohol. I graduated from high school a member of the honor society and graduated college as student body president. I'm currently employed in a steady job, on my own, paying off my student loans. But somehow, my family structure isn't good enough. I wish my father could have been there to watch me grow up and support me in the things I've accomplished. But that wasn't in God's plan. But I think I turned out just fine. Ideals are just that, ideals. How about we support women like my mother, instead of making them feel incomplete or their families like less of a "real family" because of how life shakes out for them.

dustyrhoades 2 months, 2 weeks ago

The chairman of the Republican Party in Moore County NC practices law in Los Angeles, CA.

And you see what happens when you ask him a civil question.

As for his assertions, I'll agree that people are more willing to pay their child support obligations if they're allowed involvement in the child's life.

I have rarely come across a man, black or white, married or not, who, once convinced of his paternity, did not want to be part of his child's life.

Guess it depends on your definition of "rarely." I see it far too often. Maybe things are different in Californy.

dustyrhoades 2 months, 2 weeks ago

Also, split physical custody sounds great in theory, and sometimes it works, but not enough that I'd advocate making it a presumption.

Toyboy52 2 months, 2 weeks ago

So long a's we consider the "co-parenting" of children as "split custody" then children are condemned to a life with an excluded parent.

Custody of children must be thought I'n terms of co- parenting and sharing of children. This way of thinking places children first. And, if custody needs to be given to a sinle parent, then it ought to be given to that parent who more freely gives frequent and continuing contact with the non custodial parent.

We must become more child centered and less self centered when it comes to children. When one parent or another "wins" the child loses We have to make sure the child wins with a relationship with both parents.