Marriage Amendment Deserves Defeat
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By Sarah Brown
Special to The Pilot
Terri Phoenix and her wife, Kendra Smith, have shared a life together for many years.
Despite the obstacles they face as residents of a state that doesn't recognize their marriage, they make the best of their situation, working hard to provide a loving and nurturing environment for their young daughter, Duncan.
Phoenix, director of the LGBTQ Center at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and her spouse are legally married in Massachusetts, one of only seven states that consider their union valid.
Currently, Phoenix and her family can receive some benefits as a household unit. But given the looming vote on N.C. Amendment One, a referendum placed on the May 8 primary ballot, Phoenix is worried.
The amendment not only declares that "marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this State," but will also take away the benefits equity and protection -currently offered to all households regardless of the legal status of their union.
Duncan is Smith's biological child, and if something were to happen to Smith, Phoenix would have no custody rights under the terms of the amendment. The state would force Duncan into foster care.
Also lost, among other benefits, would be the ability for anyone besides a -married man and woman to add a spouse to state-employee health insurance and to file no-contact orders on an abusive or harassing partner.
"This is treating people differently based on a status that has no government interest in being regulated," Phoenix said last week at an anti-amendment rally at UNC-CH.
She emphasized that these claims are based on an academic legal analysis conducted recently by law professors at UNC-CH.
"It's all factual; these will be the impacts," she said.
Before thoughtlessly casting their vote to amend the N.C. Constitution, people need to realize that there is no rational or ethical reason to enact this broad and harmful legislation.
Those in favor of the amendment say they only want to protect the longstanding traditional institution of marriage. Rep. Paul Stam, R-Wake, outlined some of these claims in a statement he released to media two weeks ago.
"Legally recognizing only heterosexual marriage isn't discrimination against homosexuals wanting to marry," he said.
Oh, so offering one group a right and preventing another group who might be of a different nature, race or gender from having that same benefit is not discrimination at all. Glad that was cleared up.
"Marriage between a man and a woman ... has provided the best -environment for the rearing of future citizens [in] North Carolina for at least 340 years," he continued.
Who is Rep. Stam to say that only -heterosexual partners can raise children well? Recent studies, such as the American Psychological Association's "Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children," have found no differences among children's happiness, gender-role behavior, or social relationships whether they were raised in a heterosexual or homosexual household.
"Same-sex marriage is an entirely -different relationship with an entirely different purpose," he claimed.
Gay and lesbian couples are in love, share the same living space, work together to support the household, and raise happy and successful children. Where is the "entirely different -purpose" present here?
There is no empirical evidence that gay and lesbian marriage is an unsafe or irrational institution for child-rearing.
In fact, as Dr. John M. Grohol states, "[Gay] parents may actually help raise more gender-neutral children who are open to more possibilities for their careers and lives."
Amendment One is no more than one group's attempt to deny justice indefinitely to these people because they don't embody "traditional" values.
I understand that some people are uncomfortable with homosexual marriage because of their religion or morals. But even voters who don't fully support gay marriage need to recognize that this legislation does not simply state, as California's Proposition 8 does, that "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in [this state]."
The N.C. amendment mandates that this restricted marriage will be the only domestic relationship recognized in the state, making illegal not only same-sex marriage but also any form of state-sanctioned domestic partnership. Not to mention the effect the legislation will have on domestic violence laws and custody rights, among other legal entitlements.
Adults with the right to vote have a duty to be informed. North Carolina voters need to realize that this vaguely worded amendment is much broader and more harmful than most people think. They then need to recognize that the arguments amendment supporters have been using - such as saying that gay parents cannot, in Rep. Stam's words, "provide a stable environment for children" - are baseless and unconstitutionally discriminatory.
As Maxine Eichner, a UNC-CH law professor, pointed out, "When people are educated about the amendment, support tends to drop."
If all of us do our research between now and the May 8 primary, here's hoping North Carolina can stop Amendment One in its tracks before it's too late.
Sarah Brown, a graduate of The O'Neal School in Southern Pines, is a freshman at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
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Comments
SH59 1 year, 2 months ago
"Those in favor of the amendment say they only want to protect the longstanding traditional institution of marriage." Code for "gay people are not to be allowed to live normal lives and if we don't let them in then they'll somehow go away."
What a waste of our government's time with all the real issues affecting people in our state and country. The Religious Right is sucking our resources dry with their social agendas distracting our legislatures from doing the real work they were appointed to do. For a party that supposedly wants LESS government involvement into our lives they sure spend a lot of time trying to control us.
Bigguy 1 year, 2 months ago
Very strong and beautiful letter Mrs. Brown, we have a gay member of our family and we like former Vice President Dick Cheney don't believe that same sex couples should be denied the same rights that we enjoy. They have earned those rights as Americans as much as anyone has.
Guy_Forks 1 year, 2 months ago
Do what you agree to do. Do not encroach on others. For these two reasons I shall cast my ballet in opposition to this amendment and Mr. Santorm.
PBinNC 1 year, 2 months ago
I agree with Bigguy...beautifully written and thoughtful column/letter. The current NC legislature does not seem able to address important things, and this is not one of them. I hope the citizens of North Carolina carefully read the legislation so they know what they are voting for/against. This is not something that most of our legislators do, both state and federal. We don't need something passed in order to find out what it says/does.
greentara13 1 year, 2 months ago
What a eloquent and thoughtfully written letter. We need more love in the world and less hate!
Guy_Forks 1 year, 2 months ago
im_a_harleyman I hate to point this out, but you may want to re-read my post with a dictionary so that you can look up the words you may not understand. My post plainly, and perhaps too succinctly states, that we are on the same side of this issue.
NCKen 1 year, 2 months ago
The other side of the issue is a 5000 year long cultural, historical and moral underpinning that is destroyed by this proposed social experiment. Gay marriage is a dead end morally, culturally and socially. It is traditional marriage, the last vestige of societal sanity, that is being encroached upon.
SarahBrown 1 year, 2 months ago
@NCKen, can you explain your assertion that "Gay marriage is a dead end morally, culturally and socially"? I'd appreciate if you could clarify what you mean with that statement.
Bigguy 1 year, 2 months ago
Dear NCKen, that was the stupidist post I have ever read. We are all sad to hear that your pathetic mariiage would be in jeapordy because someone else got married. The only insanity it is what is going thru your pea sized brain!
OldSpook 1 year, 2 months ago
NCKen, regrettably the secular popularists posting on the board are peaceful and tolerant only towards those with who they are in agreement. Personally I tend to agree with you in that the secular popularist agenda is to encroach upon others without regard for their rights or beliefs. And no, there is no way one of these persons will listen to, understand or support a view other than what their leader(s) tell them to support.
Is it just me or in anyone else bemused by all of the name calling, intolerance and direct insults these supposedly enlightened people vomit forth when someone disagrees with whatever cause they currently champion.
not2us 1 year, 2 months ago
I am a Christian in a VERY traditional/conservative denomination. Yet, I see this as a Civil Rights issue. When we blatantly withhold liberties from a group of people based on sex, race, religion or sexual orientation, we are wrong. I may not approve of their lifestyle, but who am I to decide that they should not be able to provide healthcare or equally share custody of their children.
It's heartbreaking that if I share this opinion among my Christian peers, they will respond with vitriolic criticism. What happened to the Jesus who spoke to the woman at the well? The Jesus who saved the adulteress from being stoned to death? The Jesus who loved radically and threw out social expectations?
I think we are missing the mark. I think we are doing more harm than good by holding so steadfastly to tradition. Imagine what we could accomplish if we put THIS MUCH EFFORT into our missions. Imagine if we loved like Jesus.
NCKen 1 year, 2 months ago
I forgot to mention that there is a psychological dead end component to all this, as well.
fugitiveguy 1 year, 2 months ago
"NCKen, regrettably the secular popularists posting on the board are peaceful and tolerant only towards those with who they are in agreement"
I have found this to be true so many times that I have pretty much given up trying to have a dialogue with them.
Courseaire 1 year, 2 months ago
and if you do not agree with them 100%, then I find they'll label you a racist and/or bigot.
SarahBrown 1 year, 2 months ago
NCKen, I'd like to listen to and understand your view, that's why I asked you to explain your statement. I said in the article I understand that some people reject gay marriage because of their religion or their morals. I'm not name-calling, I'm not being intolerant, nor am I being insulting. All I'm doing is asking as nicely as possible for you to tell me and others against the amendment what you mean when you say that gay marriage is "a dead end morally, culturally and socially." I'd honestly like to hear what you have to say.
This article is not just a defense of gay marriage, and this amendment is not just a ban on gay marriage. I'm trying to make sure N.C. voters understand how BROAD and HARMFUL this amendment really will be, negatively affecting gay and straight people alike. Even if people don't entirely agree with the institution of gay marriage, I hope people will recognize and understand ALL of the effects this legislation will have (some of which I outlined in the article) before voting to enact it.
madattheworld 1 year, 2 months ago
well my love and i have been together for 15 years, and i have the same problem. common law marriage is also not accepted in north carolina. if we marry legally, my children will have mo medical insurance. the one thing we get; we need it more than a piece of paper saying we are husband and wife.
Thatcher 1 year, 2 months ago
Ms. Brown-- That was a very well-written column. For a college freshman or a Ph.D. Articulating your position, and defending it with grace and class is something all of us old folks should try to do. Best of luck to you, Ms. Brown. I have no doubt that you will do well.
Easygoing 1 year, 2 months ago
Sarah represents the young and the future. Unfortunately many of the posters and editorial writers in the Pilot represent the past with all its resistance to change and its vitriolic biases and hate.
Hembloche 1 year, 2 months ago
OldSpook " Personally I tend to agree with you in that the secular popularist agenda is to encroach upon others without regard for their rights or beliefs."
I'm curious as to how, in your opinion, gay marriage encroaches on your rights? Unfortunately with the wide, wide range of beliefs in this country someone is always going to be on the opposite side and feel "encroached" upon. Individual beliefs are not a good enough reason, in my opinion, to prohibit two who love each other to marry. Show me where your rights are being violated and maybe you'll get me on your side...
nothingspecial 1 year, 2 months ago
OldSpook, you're so right on target as usual.
The author put forth her opinion on the topic very well. Some posters lashing out at folks who disagree with her viewpoint automatically use the word hate where there isn't any. Its an almost funny example of human nature and how supposedly enlightened folks become oblivious to the fact they are more bigoted and lovers of hating than those they say they hate so badly.