Beware the Girl Scout Conspiracy
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Beware: When you bought those Girl Scout cookies last month, you may have been inadvertently helping to finance the liberal homosexual aborto-fascist agenda.
At least that's what Indiana state Rep. Bob Morris seems to be afraid of.
Morris recently refused to join in a resolution in the Indiana State House to honor 100 years of Girl Scouting. In a letter to his fellow Republicans, he explained why: "After talking to some well-informed constituents, I did a small amount of Web-based research, and what I found is disturbing."
(Note: When someone confidently cites "a small amount of Web-based research" as his basis for an opinion, get ready for big laughs ahead).
The Girl Scouts (and their British cousins the Girl Guides), Morris' "research" revealed, "have entered into a close strategic affiliation with Planned Parenthood," though "you will not find evidence of this on [their] website - in fact, the websites of these two organizations explicitly deny funding Planned Parenthood."
Well, of course. The fact that they deny an association is just more proof that there is one. Anybody who knows enough to make himself a tinfoil hat knows that.
Wait, it gets better.
"Abundant evidence," Morris reports, "proves that the agenda of Planned Parenthood includes sexualizing young girls through the Girl Scouts, which is quickly becoming a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood."
Wow. I didn't know that Planned Parenthood had a "tactical arm." The whole thing raises the specter of fresh-faced, heavily armed, pre-teen girls in sashes fast-roping down from black helicopters to round up our helpless womenfolk and force-feed them RU-486 abortion pills and lesbian porn.
"Tagalong, this is Thin Mint 6. We have secured the perimeter. Operation Baby Bust is under way. Over!"
Morris cites the fact that the "radically pro-abortion" first lady of the United States, Michelle Obama, serves as the honorary national president of the GSA. Of course, so has every first lady since 1917, so I guess they were all in on the conspiracy too. I'm so disappointed in Laura Bush, but you know, I always did think Bess Truman was up to something. Now I know she was probably pushing the radical pro-abortion agenda while Harry wasn't looking.
Within a few days after Morris' letter was printed in the The Fort Wayne Journal-Gazette, it was obvious that he was feeling a little heat, and by "heat," I mean widespread derision, even from his own party. House Speaker Brian Bosma, also a Republican, responded to Morris' lunacy by bringing Girl Scout cookies into the House floor and passing them out.
When finally cornered by reporters, Morris defiantly refused to back down. In fact, in classic wingnut fashion, he doubled down on the crazy. Asked why he thinks the Girl Scouts support abortion, Morris proved that he'd learned from his time on the Internet. He trotted out one of the classic dodges of the dishonest debater when asked for proof of a wild accusation: "Look it up yourself." Also known as, "I'm not your Google monkey."
People, said Morris, should "get on the Internet, do some research, contact the Girl Scouts of America on a national level and ask them that question." When someone pointed out that the stated position of the Girl Scouts is neither pro- nor anti-abortion and that such issues are "best left to the girls to talk with their families about," Morris uttered this jaw-dropper: "They're not against it. If you're not against it, you're for it."
Based on this logic, the U.S. Postal Service, the Army and NASCAR are all pro-abortion, because they haven't taken a clear position against it.
In the end, the resolution to honor the Girl Scouts passed, with only one vote against it, after which Speaker Bosma asked all of the female House members who had been Girl Scouts to stand and make the motion to adjourn. According to USA Today, "nearly every female member stood." Asked about the controversy later, Bosma described his attitude this way: "I've been to the carnival before, and you don't walk into every sideshow tent."
Good for you, Mr. Speaker. It's nice to find at least one corner of the Republican Party where they don't let the clowns run the circus. Someone ought to nominate him for national GOP chairman.
Dusty Rhoades lives, writes and practices law in Carthage. Contact him at dustyr@nc.rr.com.
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Comments
SH59 1 year, 2 months ago
What a paranoid nut case, how do people like that get elected?
Bigguy 1 year, 2 months ago
The same way people like Rick( google it ) Santorum. Now he is calling the President a Snob because he wants college to be accessible to everyone. The fact that he wanted it to be that way in his home state of Pennsylvania when he was running for Senate, doesn't make him one. Great way to start the morning Dusty, thank you.
MikeNC 1 year, 2 months ago
He must be an idiot. It's sad when the scouts or any innocent group is used to drive a political point...Mike
sgmartin 1 year, 2 months ago
Another great column Dusty. I finally escaped Moore County for a more diversified culture in Wilmington but I must say I looked forward to your column every Sunday. They gave me hope of intelligent life in the area. Your detractors underestimate you. God bless.
skylinefirepest 1 year, 2 months ago
SG, we don't underestimate Dusty...we simply disagree with him on many issues. He seems to be an intelligent, though politically mis-guided, person. I presume that away from political issues he would probably be a very interesting person to talk with. I actually stopped by his office one day to introduce myself as one of his conservative opponents but he was too busy to see me.
tbcc 1 year, 2 months ago
gmartin, is it not possible to simply pay a compliment to Mr. Rhoades without also taking a condescending jab at your former fellow residents. If your self-infactuated post reflects your core personality, I am grateful that you left Moore County in search of beings more intelligent while leaving behind all of us dimwits who act and think alike. Hope you find diversified bliss out there, and I am sorry that we cannot all be as gifted as you. Then, to close your post with "God Bless" . . . now, that is curiously ironic.
dustyrhoades 1 year, 2 months ago
Thanks all. But isn't MikeNC agreeing with me one of the signs of the Apocalypse?
leftfield 1 year, 2 months ago
It was probably Diane.....;)
MikeNC 1 year, 2 months ago
It was Mike, not my much better half Diane. I don't know of your 'Apocalypse' DR, but an idiot like him is wrong regardless of which party, etc, etc Our youth is our future. They should not be used as political pawns by anybody. The scouts, both the girls and the boys, are learning some real life values which helps them prepare and hopefully make wise decisions for the future. I support them every chance I get which has been often lately. I do not buy the cookies; partly because I would open up a half gallon of milk and eat a whole box at each setting. I make a donation to the girls or the boys whereas they keep the entire amount for their troop. I think they only get about a quarter for each box they sell. Support your local Scouts........Mike
Thatcher 1 year, 2 months ago
Great column DR! And great posts MikeNC! Our kids in the scouts should be off limits to politics. Period.
FightFireWithFire 1 year, 2 months ago
Good article, Dusty. These people are the ones making our laws and we continue to allow them to stay in office. When are the people going to start paying attention? Oh, that's right, we are all dimwits. I guess we can get the crowd from Wilmington to come on up here and educate us.
teufelhunden 1 year, 2 months ago
Hysterical!
emb6683 1 year, 2 months ago
But it is OK to slam the Boy Scouts because they don't want homosexual troop leaders and the Scout oath says they will do their duty "to God and my country"
dustyrhoades 1 year, 2 months ago
Don't be hatin' on Wilmington, now. Love that town.
justmyopinion 1 year, 2 months ago
Sgmartin- GREAT !! One less liberal in Moore County.
dustyrhoades 1 year, 2 months ago
Sgmartin- GREAT !! One less liberal in Moore County.
movie mistake - Papillon - Steve McQueen & Dustin Hoffman.mpeg.mpg by xelmis1
teufelhunden 1 year, 2 months ago
Clever piece Dusty.
Courseaire 1 year, 2 months ago
Yes, very clever piece Dusty, but a typical leftist hatchet job to attack the Republicans. You take one wacko politician to smear all Republicans, when those same Republicans completely disavowed Morris's stance. This should have been a piece about how the Republican house stood up against one of their own that was way off base.
dustyrhoades 1 year, 2 months ago
This should have been a piece about how the Republican house stood up against one of their own that was way off base.
You clearly didn't read it to the end. Try again.
Courseaire 1 year, 2 months ago
I did, but giving one line to Mr. Speaker doesn't cut it. It should have been the complete opposite with one line to the Bozo.
dustyrhoades 1 year, 2 months ago
Oh, for God's sake...really? That's the source of your complaint? Here, fill this out and someone will get back to you, sometime between Thursday and never.
by dustyrhoades
Courseaire 1 year, 2 months ago
BUTTHURT REPORT FORM: Complaint - 12/28/12, 12:05 pm by comment tread - DR wrote a story that made me cry & then called me a butthurt. He is a big mean poopy pants who should know better and should be made to make at least 10 nice comments about WIngnuts over one Pilot cycle.
teufelhunden 1 year, 2 months ago
Wow...how embarrassing.
Courseaire 1 year, 2 months ago
Harley - No, no, no, it has to be water based to appease the Greenies. Did you see my "Harley" joke on the other blog from last week?