Be Careful What You Say On Twitter

Sunday, February 5, 2012

I t's often said that the Americans and the British are "two peoples separated by a common language." Recently, a pair of British tourists learned the hard way just how dangerous that can be.

Bar manager Leigh van Bryan, 24, of Coventry, and his friend, 26-year-old Emily Bunting, of Birmingham, were very excited about their upcoming trip to Hollywood. Leigh (who, like everyone else under the age of 35 these days, has an account on Twitter) sent a message to another friend asking if she'd like to have a drink "before I go and destroy America."

Now, as it turns out, "destroy" is a term used among young Britons to indicate that one intends to party hard. To get plastered, bombed, wasted. To, in a more familiar American idiom, paint the town red.

It seems that a lot of the slang used in Perfidious Albion has a violent and vaguely sinister cast. For instance, when someone from the UK tells you he could "murder an Indian," he is not expressing homicidal frustration with some unhelpful call-center wallah from Bangalore. He's telling you he's hungry for curry, which seems to have replaced fish and chips as the primary take-away food of the British Isles.

If they say they're going to "pop out and smoke a fag," they're not planning to ambush a homosexual by jumping out of an alley and shooting him; they're going outside for a cigarette.

If a Brit wants to "have a butcher's" at something, it means they want to have a look. Describing someone as "dead sexy" doesn't mean they resemble a hot zombie; it's the equivalent of "drop-dead gorgeous." And so on.

(Thanks to my UK pals Georgette Goldie and John Rickards for advice on the slang).

Apparently the U.S. Department of Homeland Security does not have a dictionary of British slang handy. It does, however, have some way to scan the Twitterverse for ominous words and phrases like "destroy America." Therefore, when Leigh and Emily landed at LAX, they were detained, handcuffed, thrown into a cell, interrogated, then unceremoniously hustled onto the next plane back to England.

Reports that Fox News pundit and former Republican presidential candidate Pat Buchanan flew into a rage and had to be sedated when he found out that the DHS had failed to waterboard the couple could not be confirmed at press time.

I don't know about you, but I certainly feel a whole lot safer. I'll sleep so much better tonight knowing that Homeland Security is out there, reading Twitter (which their official report refers to repeatedly as "Tweeter"), looking for the buzzwords that will aid them in their tireless quest to protect us from the peril of 20-something British hipsters coming to our shores to get their drink on.

They even searched Leigh and Emily's luggage looking for shovels and picks because Leigh had posted another joking tweet about "digging up Marilyn Monroe." The young man's attempts to explain that this was a reference to an episode of the American TV series "Family Guy" fell on deaf ears.

"You really [bad word] up when you sent that tweet, boy," one DHS agent is reported to have told Leigh before they threw him in the cage.

So, from this, we learn quite a few things about the Department of Homeland Security. They believe that the next major terrorist attack might be perpetrated by someone who will telegraph the strike by posting explicitly about it on Twitter, even though DHS is not really sure of Twitter's actual name.

They also believe that such an attack might take the form of an attempt to dig up long-dead movie stars by people who lug shovels across the Atlantic in their luggage because they don't realize America has hardware stores. They don't watch "Family Guy." And finally, they make Buford T. Justice, the comically incompetent redneck sheriff from "Smokey and the Bandit" look like Jack Bauer from "24."

Maybe I'm being too hard on the DHS guys. Maybe they're only acting like idiots as part of a cunning plan to lull the bad guys into a false sense of security. I know one thing: It's a bad idea to post the words "destroy America" in print or on-line.

Excuse me, I have to go now. There's someone hammering on my door.

Dusty Rhoades lives, writes and practices law in Carthage. Contact him at dustyr@nc.rr.com.

More like this story

sgmartin 1 year, 3 months ago

Hadn't caught this story. What a sad experience for any tourist. Welcome to America?

Bflat 1 year, 3 months ago

Noooooooooooo. They can't take DR away.

JER 1 year, 3 months ago

Another "classic" article, Dusty. I learned the differences of words and phrases the hard way when, in a Myrtle Beach dance club, I asked an English girl if she wanted to "shag". I also got a big chuckle during my first visit to the UK when I arrived at Heathrow, got in a taxi and saw a billboard ad for a vacuum cleaner that read: "Get a Hoover....They really suck."

sandhillsdogs 1 year, 3 months ago

I'm glad DHS don't know German at all!!!! smile

However, some people look funny at me when I say, I got a bitch at my House!!! Some well meaning friends advise me to get a Lawyer!

madstork 1 year, 3 months ago

As demonstrated by this bureaucracy, the incredibly competent hands of government will provide our healthcare. At least travel to the US is a personal choice. Healthcare will be mandated by the federal government and participation monitored by the IRS. Pay attention America!

FaithinUSA 1 year, 3 months ago

There's no cure for STUPID.......

MikeNC 1 year, 3 months ago

"Be Careful What You Say On Twitter" Very true....That should also apply to what is said right here on these Pilot public forums, but notice what can be read most any given day...Mike .

JimHeim 1 year, 3 months ago

When my wife was studying medicine with the RAF in England, she learned of some of those remarkable differences. Early in her stay she was startled when one of the young officers offered to come by in the morning and "knock her up." And at the end of a satisfying meal with the school's commanders and their families, she was offered another portion. She demurred saying that she couldn't take another bite as she was "stuffed." That word has quite a different meaning in the UK!

JimHeim 1 year, 3 months ago

madstork, the only government-provided health care in this country is in the military where it is the best in the world, and the VA, which is a close second. Or do you think Blue Cross-provided health care is superior?

Thatcher 1 year, 3 months ago

Now that was a funny column! Nicely done!

JER 1 year, 3 months ago

wdd101st: Just a brief note to advise you that some people were around prior to the Austin Power movie days and that the term referred to in the movie was in existence prior to the movie. The fact that you became aware of it from the movie only points out the limits of your knowledge of things that occur in the world.

The_AnonymusProfit 1 year, 3 months ago

DHS did their job, they obviously did not need to send the 2 brits home, but they are following a government mandate, the issue here is not the DHS employees, its the DHS it self, another bs government agency with to much power.

dustyrhoades 1 year, 3 months ago

JER, back in the pre-Austin Powers days, I was working as DJ in a hotel bar in Chapel Hill. Since there were a lot of alumni coming in on weekends, I got a lot of requests for beach music. One evening, I was playing the song 'Shaggin'" by Band of Oz. ("We'll be shagging in the daytime, boppin all through the night...") Suddenly a rather perturbed middle aged gentleman appeared at the door of the booth demanded I stop playing that "obscene song." He was, of course, British. I explained to him that "Shaggin'" was about a dance, not sex. We had a good laugh. Then I put on "Sixty Minute Man."

GoldenDreams 1 year, 3 months ago

Dusty, I had read about this incident in a British online newspaper, The Mail Online. The US agents came across as pretty dumb, if you'll excuse my blunt term. The British already see America as uneducated and unworldly, and this incident pretty much confirmed it in their eyes.

JER 1 year, 3 months ago

Dusty: Ah, "Sixty Minute Man". Those were the days my friend, I thought they'd never end....but then I became a sixty year old man. Now I find another reason to like you and all you stand for. I was a DJ on my college campus radio station way back in my youth. A popular request back then was "Hot Nuts" (by Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts).

madstork 1 year, 3 months ago

JIMH Writes -" the only government-provided health care in this country is in the military where it is the best in the world, and the VA, which is a close second. Or do you think Blue Cross-provided health care is superior?"

Calling Obvious Man....It's the mess called the Affordable Health Care Act that worries me. You remember, the Obama signature legislation that doesn't even make the State of the Union speech.

dustyrhoades 1 year, 3 months ago

madstork, what particularly about the Affordable Care act don't you like? The Affordable part or the Care part? The part where insurance companies can't refuse to cover you because you have a pre-existing condition? The tax credits for small businesses? The part where parents are allowed to cover their kids until they're 26 if they desire to do so (unless they're on another employer provided plan?) The $1.5 billion dollar savings over the last year and a half in Medicare prescription drug costs? The 210 billion dollar reduction to the deficit over the next 10 years?

JER 1 year, 3 months ago

madstork doesn't like the Affordable Health Care Act because his source of information has told him to not like it. It's all part of the "Obama bad....Right Wing Conservatives good" platform.

madstork 1 year, 3 months ago

DR/JER - It's simple. I don't like my government forcing me to purchase something I can procure in the free market or fine/arrest me. Liberties are taken one at a time...

Once the governemnt regulates a potion of your private life, they call the shots. Period.

JER...you don't know jack about Madstork.

dustyrhoades 1 year, 3 months ago

SO, madstork, you won't be voting for either Gingrich or Romney, both of whom have supported individual mandates? And I guess you're pretty cheesed off about having to buy liability insurance, too. And since you don't like the idea of government regulating even a "potion" [sic] of your private life, you're for the legalization of drugs, prostitution, abortion and gay marriage, right?

BigE 1 year, 3 months ago

Brilliant!

teufelhunden 1 year, 3 months ago

Gee I miss anglophile :)

Thatcher 1 year, 3 months ago

BigE-- "Brilliant!" I suspect most folks who read DR's post would perhaps use the term "amusing." Why? Because it displays a fundamental misunderstanding of the power of the federal government under our Constitution...and the 10th Amendment. States have far more rights to regulate those within their borders...like requiring liability insurance. The federal government's power is limited (by the 10th Amendment), and unless specifically designated, can only be applied to activity which involves "interstate commerce." Obama, for the first time ever in our history, argues that he can regulate "inactivity"...that the feds can require citizens to buy a product. The Supreme Court will soon determine this issue. Meanwhile, it might be helpful for folks to stop confusing powers of the federal government with those which are, by our Constitution, reserved to the states and the people.

Thatcher 1 year, 3 months ago

http://dailycaller.com/2011/01/31/2nd-federal-judge-rules-obamacare-unconstitutional/. Just for a basic understanding (and only for those who believe Obama and the feds can do whatever they want).

dustyrhoades 1 year, 3 months ago

Wingnuts are so cute when they act like they understand the Tenth Amendment.

JER 1 year, 3 months ago

madstork: I don't know "jack" about madstork, I just know you by your comments. How do you view abortion rights? How do you stand on gay marriage? Does "Once the government regulates a portion of your private live, they call the shots. Period." apply?

madstork 1 year, 3 months ago

JER/DR…I believe I understand your position on the reach of the federal government. More is better. Cost is irrelevant.
Social issues have become integral to the party plank and, frankly, don’t belong in the political dialog we need to have as a country. We are suffering under huge debt, a tax environment that punishes achievement and therefore is stifling real job creation and a country whose citizens have become all too complacent. As a CIO once told me as he went to get his annual budget approved…”we’re going to fix what will kill us first, and then we take on the edges.” As I see it, including the repubs, none of the current crop has the guts to speak straight. Maybe that CIO (of one of the largest corporations in the world) is interested?

Thatcher 1 year, 3 months ago

DR-- "Wingnuts are so cute when they act like they understand the Tenth Amendment." My, my! Even my wife thinks I'm cute. Now I've got 2 who agree! Uh, could you tell us all what it is about the Tenth Amendment that you understand that the rest of us do not? And no, I will not call you names. Your post speaks for itself. The floor is yours, DR...the Tenth Amendment means......?

Thatcher 1 year, 3 months ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNx...; As best I can tell (although I'm not completely certain), here's a liberal view of the Tenth Amendment.

Thatcher 1 year, 3 months ago

Gotta love, such as, education in America! (And, such as, South Africa...such as).

PaleRider 1 year, 3 months ago

Bollocks.

Thatcher 1 year, 3 months ago

I loved her in "The Blind Side." Great story.

dustyrhoades 1 year, 3 months ago

JER/DR…I believe I understand your position on the reach of the federal government. More is better. Cost is irrelevant.

Wrong as usual. And you haven't answered mine or JER's questions, probably because doing so would reveal that you have no real principle regarding when the "governemnt [sic] regulates a potion [sic] of your private life" you just use that as an excuse to get angry at Democrats. JER was right, It's all part of the "Obama bad....Right Wing Conservatives good" platform.

.the Tenth Amendment means......?

I'll tell you what it DOESN'T mean: it doesn't mean "everything I don't like violates the Tenth Amendment because it's not a state doing it."