Wow. I feel so important. The presidential candidates have been advised to go all-out courting women voters. Strategists know that women can and probably will swing the election. Women are famously independent thinkers and, yes, fickle, meaning they're not above switching allegiance for cause.

Of course, my observations are totally unscientific. I did not hire a New York firm to perform a "needs assessment" (tab: $35,000). No reason. If the pundits say the candidates need women, they need women.

The question is how to get them.

One way is to stop making a huge noise in defense of traditional marriage while ignoring (until their votes are sought) the very people who hold these marriages together. Any candidate frightened by the polls who suddenly "turns his attention" to women is lame out of the starting gate. Such a candidate will hurriedly "target women's issues," which usually means reproductive health. Hello. We've got other body parts. Like brains.

Jobs are big "women's issues" for women lacking them. But the health issue may be a safer talking point if there's any truth to the report that a majority of jobs lost during the recession were held by women.

Furthermore, the National Committee on Pay Equity announced this past week that women earn 77.4 cents for every dollar earned by men, up only 4 cents since 1996. We'd appreciate some effort on that front, guys.

Then, the notion of a female vice-presidential candidate has been floated, which means Washington's Desperate Househusbands assume women vote by gender. Uh, didn't somebody try that in 2008?

I hope sisters will demand more than stances on health/reproductive issues, important as they are. For openers, I might consider a candidate who proposes performing that ancient and irreversible surgery on Billy Pane, chairman of the Augusta National Golf Club, recently reviled, once again, for not admitting women - even smart, rich, famous women.

Then the candidate might promise an all-female Secret Service detail next time the president visits a smokin'-hot South American country.

Next up: Strip Democrat operative Hilary Rosen of her lip gloss and soapbox. So what if Ann Romney never "worked" a day in her life, not counting raising five sons? A woman doesn't need to be a single mom, a soccer mom, a food-stamp mom or a foreclosed-upon mom to understand issues and work for their solution. Nobody dissed Michelle Obama because she went to Harvard or Nancy Reagan because she married a movie star.

How many diapers do you think Eleanor Roosevelt changed? Did Jackie Kennedy sling fries at McDonald's? I don't care about Ann Romney's multiple dressage horses and Cadillacs if her head is screwed on right. Besides, she isn't running for president. And if she wants a "women's" cause to champion, let her lobby for pillorying deadbeat dads and abusive husbands/boyfriends.

I don't hear much either way about Calista Gingrich's first-lady qualifications, except the rumor, surely untrue, that Mattel has a Barbie look-alike on the drawing boards.

As the political news intensifies, so do relief stories.

Have you heard? Sugar is toxic! Every month we're dying of something else. Soon, investigators will run out of foods to investigate. The guy I saw spreading the word on TV had removed all added sugar from his diet. He looked great except for fingernails bitten to the quick.

I have been writing about food since these investigators were licking lollipops. Moderation, folks. Ditch juice drinks, soda and candy. But for heaven's sake, unless medically contraindicated, leave our ice cream and birthday cake alone.

Speaking of sugar: Skittles sales are way up since the Trayvon Martin shooting. Support groups are buying the candy pellets as memorials. According to The New York Times, Wrigley, the manufacturer, is being pressured to donate this windfall to African-American causes. So far, they have made only a subdued statement, saying the company is deeply saddened and respects the family's privacy.

Distributors of commemorative hoodies continue to reap profits. Hmm ...

Contact Deborah Salomon at debsalomon@nc.rr.com.