Random thoughts while trying to ­figure out if it is worse that Charlie Sheen is on drugs or acts that crazy sober.

Morgan Shepherd is my new hero. The 69-year-old Shepherd helped police apprehend a shoplifter at a Las Vegas-area Walmart earlier this week.

Shepherd, who has been known to roller skate around at the racetrack and is an avid jogger, ran down the 18-year-old perpetrator, pulled him to the ground, handcuffed him and sat on him until the cops caught his accomplice. Good luck explaining that one in jail, punk.

How this hasn’t become a bigger news story, I don’t know. That’s just awesome.

I had some questions about Hendrick Motor Sports playing the crew chief swap this offseason. The tactic hasn’t been very effective in the past when employed by Roush Fenway or Richard Childress.

But after Jeff Gordon snapped a losing streak that was longer than the Daytona 500 winner has been alive (I kid), it looks like the boss knows a little about what he is doing. As if the 10 Cup championships weren’t a dead giveaway that the man has some idea how to run a race team.

“I am on a drug. It’s called … CHARLIE SHEEN.”

Quite possibly the best insane quote ever.

When cocaine wants to party, it snorts Charlie Sheen.

Tony Stewart will be swapping cars with Formula One ace Lewis Hamilton later this summer at Watkins Glen. The two-time Cup Champion will be piloting one of Hamilton’s 2010 McLaren Formula One cars while the 2008 F1 Champ will be climbing in one of Stewart’s road course-ready Chevys.

Now I know Stewart is no stranger to open-wheeled cars, but it’s a good thing that Mobil 1 is one of his sponsors, because he may need a little extra lubrication to get himself in and out of one of those cars these days.

I can’t say too much. I have it on good authority that the Rockingham Speedway has just entered into an agreement to serve Jesse Jones hot dogs at the track. Race fans, y’all know what I am talking about. I may have to be wedged in and out of my car in the near future.

If gas prices go up any more, I am going to Libya and overthrowing Gaddafi by myself.

Hendrick Motor Sports announced last month that it had signed a development deal with a driver who is still three years away from being able to compete in a NASCAR-sanctioned event.

Sounds stupid, right?

Well, it does unless you know who the driver is. His name is Chase Elliott, and he comes with quite an impressive pedigree. He is the son of Bill Elliott, 1988 NASCAR Winston Cup Champion. I saw him run in a Sunoco National Tour race at Rockingham last year, and he was a second-a-lap faster than everyone else on the track — as a 14-year-old.

Remember what I said about Mr. Hendrick knowing how to run a race team? I think he may have found Jeff Gordon’s replacement. Or Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s.

Contact Andy Cagle at andycagle@earthlink.net.