When Wives Knew Their 'Place'
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Ladies: If you make it to the end of this piece, you may want to have scissors and a match handy.
Gents: You may want to fold it into a little, tiny lump, hide it somewhere deep in the recesses of your man-cave, and secretly review it from time to time.
There is a lot of nostalgia surrounding the 1950s. There wasn't much national debt, and just the one teeny concern about nuclear obliteration. It seems like a simpler, much different time.
Just how different was called to my attention recently when I received a copy of a Good Housekeeping article from May 1955. It explained in detail exactly how a wife could maintain a successful marriage. I've always thought those ladies' magazines were pretty silly. Maybe not.
Things to do when hubby comes home (summarized):
Have a delicious dinner ready. This is a way of letting him know you care about him and are concerned about his needs.
Take 15 minutes to primp before he gets there. Put a ribbon in your hair.
Be gay and interesting for him. (Word meanings change over time.)
Gather up clutter and dust tables. (Every day, I suppose.)
Clean up the kids, change their clothes, cause them to be quiet. "They are little treasures."
Greet him with a smile, and show your sincerity in wanting to please him.
Listen to him. Remember, his conversation is more important than yours.
Never complain if he comes home late, or even stays out all night. He may have had a rough day.
Make him comfortable. Hand him a drink. Offer to take off his shoes. Arrange his pillow. Speak in a soothing voice. (If you are allowed to.)
Don't challenge his judgment. You have no right to question him. He is master of the house.
A good wife always knows her place.
I suppose if you wanted to go all the way you could give her a burqa and cut up her driver's license.
In Good Housekeeping's universe, I guess this is how my mother should have greeted my father. Mom missed this article. So, apparently, did all her friends, as did Dad and his pals. This is pure June Cleaver, and even she got in a punchline once in a while.
June's scenario is not happening now for so many reasons. First, it presupposes that hubby is employed and wife is not. These days, anybody who can get employment takes it, and if the Ms. is the breadwinner, then the Mr. had better be the one mixing drinks and fluffing pillows.
Even if '50s working arrangements are in place, several decades' worth of efforts by Gloria Steinem, et al., have eliminated any trace of such wifely attention. Women these days have plenty of ambitions, and being doormats for their spouses isn't one of them. Henry VIII may well have been the last man to be cosseted in the Good Housekeeping manner, and he went through six wives in the process.
These days, women's magazines are filled with a subject that was taboo back in 1955. There is still plenty of advice on pleasing the man in milady's life, but it involves instructions that were only beginning to show up in "Playboy" in the '50s. I know this because I can read the covers while standing in the grocery line, surrounded by other husbands similarly occupied.
Things are probably better this way. Chalk it up to human progress. A good husband always knows his place.
Fred Wolferman lives in Southern Pines. Contact him by email at fwolferman@sbcglobal.net.
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Comments
debsalomon 1 year, 9 months ago
Nice commentary, Fred. I remember other things about those days: The pampered hubby brought home enough money to support the family, so his wife could be a full-time mother. He mowed the grass around the house they could afford if he worked diligently. He brought the little woman flowers on her birthday, made her breakfast in bed on Mother's Day. If, heaven forbid, he made her a mother unexpectedly he did the right thing, and married her instead of disappearing. Once the kids got out of diapers he took them to ball games, amusement parks, movies -- sometimes with their friends. Maybe he was characterized as the disciplinarian -- but at least the family had one. More often than not, he was a role model for his sons and a husband model for his daughters. Sure, I'm speaking of the idealized 50s husband...but that's what Good Housekeeping was all about. The perfect casserole, accessorizing the little black dress, teaching the kids manners. Much of this sounds hopelessly old fashioned. We mock the restrictions women endured. But a backlash exists. Maybe parts of the "good Old days" weren't so bad after all.
invmc 1 year, 9 months ago
Excellent response. Now days, the main ones that are expecting their wives to treat them in this manner are the ones who are camped out on the couch, collecting an unemployment check and nursing a case of beer. (And of course, wearing the signature white tank top).
teufelhunden 1 year, 9 months ago
You two are so right. Simplicity is grand.
elguapo9 1 year, 9 months ago
This comes from the days when an actual middle class existed. When one income was enough to pay for a nice home with 2 late model cars in the driveway, while still be able to send the 'little treasures' to college.
babiehop 1 year, 9 months ago
Not sure I'd like to go back to the days of domestic servitude, but neither am I thrilled that we ended up in a nation of "baby's daddies" who don't pay their child support and 'baby's mamas" who unabashedly go out and find another "baby's daddy".
JimHeim 1 year, 9 months ago
Doesn't take long for racial issues to emerge here.
teufelhunden 1 year, 9 months ago
What do you mean?
Courseaire 1 year, 9 months ago
Hey babe, wait for the commercial before you talk & while you're up. get me a beer. Those were the days.
AbdominalDohMan 1 year, 9 months ago
In my opinion, the country was alot better off when the man of the house, father, dad, bread winner, husband (whatever you would like to call him) made enough money to support the entire household and the woman of the house, mother, ma', bread baker, wife (whatever you want to call her) supported the household by rearing ruly, polite, mannered children who in turn raised their children the same way. Then came the women's lib movement. That really got us pointed in the right direction and showed us the errors of our ways. How barbaric we were back then. Now we are "enlightned". I know I will get a lot of vile feed back on this statement, but it's what I truly believe.
teufelhunden 1 year, 9 months ago
I totally agree.
ProudYankee 1 year, 9 months ago
And vile fedback is what you truely deserve.......
teufelhunden 1 year, 9 months ago
Moi? Whatever for???
freedomisdaonlyway 1 year, 9 months ago
men are suparior to women in every way!!!!!
equus 1 year, 9 months ago
Not in spelling they're not :-}~
Hembloche 1 year, 9 months ago
Ha! Beat me to it by a few seconds :)
CNMT 1 year, 9 months ago
At least we can spell "superior".
TheDirtyDizz 1 year, 9 months ago
I hate being 26. This is one of the reasons why. sigh
Arestorer 1 year, 9 months ago
Going back could be good in some circumstances, But we would have a great loss of population....The suicide rate would sky-rocket, if people had to live the way they did then..No computer games, no cellphones, no cars for the kids at 16, no A/C, no running out for food,no cable,no Walmarts, no Indoor plumbing in 40% of rural homes, I dont think many of the younger generations could tolerate the good-ol-days.
fatboy 1 year, 9 months ago
To Dirty Dizz. I'l bet that women could spell "superior" better than SOME men :>)
JimHeim 1 year, 9 months ago
White folks had it good in those days.
TreadLightly 1 year, 9 months ago
JIM... that is TWICE you have opened the Dem playbook to the WRONG PAGE. But who knows, maybe race is on every page.
Back then, black children had fathers, too. Hope that wasn't too racial.
JimHeim 1 year, 9 months ago
Sorry, the nice home where dad comes home to be waited on hand-and-foot by the little woman was a Hollywood construct that only featured white families; e.g. Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best, Ozzy & Harriet. Not only was the home life depicted a fantasy, it was clearly depicted to apply to only one group.
And phrases like "baby mama" and "domestic servitude" are dog whistles. I'm unmoved.
TreadLightly 1 year, 9 months ago
Bite my tongue! I liked the Cosby show, too. Not sure about after that, since that is about where I gave up TV.
JimHeim 1 year, 9 months ago
I had no idea Cosby had a TV show in the fifties.
irkim13 1 year, 9 months ago
"it was clearly depicted to apply to only one group." Can you explain a little further?
AbdominalDohMan 1 year, 9 months ago
WOW!!! Of course you would know which party affiliate would play the race card. HIGHLY uncalled for. This was not in any way a racial discussion. But I guess we get dragged into the gutter again.
LB67 1 year, 9 months ago
I was trying to figure out where the racial thing came into the conversation myself
hizperfectluv 1 year, 9 months ago
I have to say that a big part of me wishes things were still this way. I was no where near being thought of during the 50's, but I like the structured style of family life. Today our youth have no sense of respect for adults or authority. They laugh in the face of morals and values. They have an "I don't care what you think" attitude. Education has no value. Babies are having babies and the parents are so excited that their 14 yr old is now a parent. I would gladly live a June Cleaver life.
JimHeim 1 year, 9 months ago
June Cleaver was not real. In the real world, life wasn't like that.
Ramona 1 year, 9 months ago
We all loved the idealism of those days and oh how we gals tried to be the "perfect one." The problem is that it was all a marketing tool to sell things and it backfired into the use of tranquilizers for too many women; they could not do all that and be all that perfect.
Betty Friedan's book, "The Feminine Mystique" was an expose' on the subject.
Your article is well written and I enjoyed it. Just please let's don't go back THERE.
debsalomon 1 year, 9 months ago
Nobody wants to go back "there." But thinking people try to extract and extrapolate things that worked, then apply them to contemporary situations. For example, men of those unenlightened times might have been too pampered but they were also held accountable. I firmly believe in women's emancipation in all fields, especially professional and financial, but am afraid that some men think that, with the little lady in charge, they can slack off. I went to work soon as my kids were in high school...and was an uppity bitch about getting my rightful due...but the memory of the three little ones and a big Airedale gathered at the front window at 6:30 p.m. waiting to scream "DAddy's home! Daddy's home" is one I cherish.
TreadLightly 1 year, 9 months ago
Sounds like you had the "best of both worlds" in family and work That worthy wife in Proverbs 31 was one versatile woman, and some women today reflect that same quality.
The destruction of the family unit was the work of the devil.
From all the comments on this page, it is obvious that many of us remember what family is all about. We need to dilligently teach that to anyone who will sit down and listen. ESPECIALL THE LITTLE ONES! It is the only hope.
debsalomon 1 year, 9 months ago
Unfortunately, the "little ones" are hard to teach except by example. To them, "single mom" and "absentee father" are phrases as common as American idol and six-pack abs. Why do you think shows like "19 Kids and Counting" are so popular? People watch, mesmerized not by the numbers, but how this family makes it work -- almost Disneyesque in its perfection. Is it any wonder that so many children today are being raised by grandparents, even great-grandparents? I would never say that a woman's place is in the home but get real....people who want a home and children have to staff it somehow. You can't get everything off of Angie's List.
JER 1 year, 9 months ago
"The destruction of the family unit was the work of the devil." It's nice and cozy to just bundle up the blame and say the devil made me do it. The very fact that we can't own up to the fact that WE are the cause of OUR problems (that would be issues for all of you afraid to say the word "problem") is the reason we're in the current condition.
MikeNC 1 year, 9 months ago
You can't be serious Elguapo9, Two cars in drive back in the 50s and the parents able to afford college education for their treasures? You must not be from the baby boomer generation. Half the women back then didn't know 1st gear from 2nd, let alone have a car in the drive, when Dad left for work. And Dad usually left for work in a Used car, but considered new, because the one prior to trade in was older. Credit and Loans were bad words. Credit cards, unthinkable. You paid CASH ! or you couldn't afford it. College bound in the 50s? maybe about 25% of the treasures went to college. And half of them, worked summer jobs and part time jobs after school to PAY THEIR WAY. By today's standards, it would hinge on the border of child abuse. Women going to college? NO, for the most part. Women who dared to join the workforce after high school, took now obsolete classes, of short hand and typing. And if lucky, become an executive secretary.Otherwise, you took Home Economics to prepare yourself for married life with your childhood sweetheart. Diane
JimHeim 1 year, 9 months ago
I always love columns like this. A relative of mine commented many years ago that every generation complains that the new one is worse than the old one. He opined that maybe they are all right and we peaked as a species with the Cro-Magnon. I see no evidence to contradict that view.
ALDamone 1 year, 9 months ago
My commentary to those who complain about the way the "new generation" behaves should probably take a good look at their own generation. After all they are the ones who raised us.
debsalomon 1 year, 9 months ago
Part of the problem is that we've come so far, so fast. From horse-and-buggy to landing on the moon in 70 years. From Patti Page to Lady Gaga, from rotary phones to smart phones in less. Remember the saying "Stop the world...I want to get off?" Maybe we should just slow it down a bit, until Ms. CroMagnon adjusts. As for women NOT going to college .... whoa. I graduated from university in 1960. When I read the alumni magazine I see how many of my women classmates became doctors, deans, business owners, lawyers, judges, artists, teachers. Not that there's anything wrong with executive secretaries who usually make a bundle with benefits, sometimes marry the boss and stay home to raise children who read books and write thank-you notes. In fact, I'll wager many college graduates would jump at an "executive assistant" job in this economy instead of flipping burgers. Last licks: I've forgotten most of my Tolstoy and algebra, some of my Renaissance art, all of my chemistry but the touch typing I learned in 10th grade remains intact. I'm using it this very minute....
TreadLightly 1 year, 9 months ago
The disconnect was that CHARACTER and VALUES and MORALS did not have to change with technology. Somewhere along the way we let the master of deceit prize us away from the author of life.
Actually, nothing keeps us from having the best of technology and still be decent human beings.
JimHeim 1 year, 9 months ago
The charge that morals, character and values have gone downhill have been saying that for centuries. We must have been really, really amazing back in the day.
jimt 1 year, 9 months ago
In TreadLightly's autocratic theocracy the "little woman" will be happy at home.....or else!!
HillTopper 1 year, 9 months ago
debsalomon ... LOL! I got kicked out of typing in the 9th grade for pretending I was "The World's Fastest Typist" (he had visited our school the week before). I got 1 warning, but just had to bang those keys again. No problem, I thought. Typing was for girls. I spent every 3rd period in the principle's office for 2 years! Things sure have changed since 1968.
MikeNC 1 year, 9 months ago
Jim, your racial slurs are getting to be quite the norm with you. Minorities can thank LBJ and the Great Society for the injustice done to them, not Ozzie and Harriet. Diane
peterprints 1 year, 9 months ago
Sometimes I think that The Pilot (and media in general) start these threads to aggravate a lot of us who write in on both sides of the issue and then the paper uses us to prove to potential advertisers (The people who pay the bills) that their money is well spent and reaching a good number of people. As to the point of playing the "race card"... anyone who espouses going back to the "good old days" during the fifties and sixties and doesn't realize what that means to the black people in this country is either historically inept or pulling out Grandpa Ethan's hood and white sheet and trying to relive the "Gory Days" and I mean "GORY". As for women staying at home and in the kitchen, one only has to look at the recent Google Science Fair winners to realize that those days are really over. Shree Bose, a 17 year-old American, won the Science Fair by developing a method to make ovarian Cancer treatments more efficacious. And what did your 17 year-old or your neighbor's 17 year-old do today? The big news was that all three Americans who took the top three prizes in the competition were FEMALES (read it and weep). Just think of how many women, wives, mothers, daughters would be alive today if the Shree Boses of the 1950s had been given their equality.