On the birthday of our country I would like to pen a verse

About the humble hot dog, for better or for worse.

About that tasty wiener, which no man did partake

For lunch in Philadelphia, when freedom was at stake.

No mustard for Tom Jefferson, John Hancock had no chili

Relish wasn’t fashionable for Tar Heel Hooper, Willie.

Joseph Hewes and our John Penn preferred a sausage biscuit,

When offered steak and kidney pie — the Carolinians nixed it.

In fact, the hot dog didn’t come about till 1867

When a Coney Island peddler sent his customers to heaven

With links that were so messy, a roll they did require

To keep the juice from dripping on each unprotected buyer.

Chicago, 1893, the World’s Fair drew attention

To the spreading popularity of that peddler’s fine invention.

It took the country by a storm, it swept from coast to coast

Until each Independence Day became a weenie roast.

But unlike us Americans, all weenies are not equal

And here the story twists and turns into a sordid sequel.

The rumors circulating as to what the dog contains

Begin with ears and eyeballs, with knuckles, snouts and brains.

With monosodium glutamate, corn syrup, salt and such,

By-products and red food dye, things we wouldn’t touch

Except when shaped like dachshunds without the tail and head

Tucked in a roll that is composed of white and mushy bread.

The brands parade down center field to trumpet and drum beat

Oscar Mayer leads the way with pork and turkey meat,

Sabrett is the longest, Ball Park tastes authentic

Nathan’s pedigree is unmistakably pedantic.

Hebrew National boasts that it is beef and nothing but,

All of it forequarters, not a smidgen from the gut.

A few include real cheddar cheese — should not this make them “mock?”

(Please stay away from tofu dogs unless you want a shock.)

Condiments, oh condiments — your legions daily swell

From classic yellow mustard to salsa hot as hell.

From sauerkraut and onions to Dijon, curried mayo,

Horseradish and a remoulade from Cajun-country bayou.

New buns are likely whole-grain, a fat-reduced variety

Providing multi-nutrients but not enough satiety.

You’ll wash them down with Perrier instead of Cherry Coke

While back in Coney Island vendors chuckle at the joke.

For hot dogs will be hot dogs, the Fourth will long endure

Eventually we’ll realize that some foods must stay pure.

The wiener is a good bit more than dog within a bun

Its holiday still represents a battle that was won:

Freedom from repression, equality for all

Willingness to answer the distant battle call,

The thrill when stars and stripes unfurl against the morning light

The caisson and the crosses for those who fought the fight.

The families safely gathered around a glowing grill

Fireworks exploding, oh how we love the thrill

Of knowing that we vote to choose our leaders and our laws

And once a year, to celebrate — to feast and then give pause

To thank the Founding Fathers, and mothers standing tall

Who sewed the flags and tended wounds of soldiers as they fall.

This day we will remember them with red and white and blue

Upon our shirts and flagpoles and on our tables, too.

So barbecue that chicken and bake your berry pie,

Tap a keg and pop a cork and raise those glasses high

To toast, among a hundred things, the food that spells the Fourth:

The hot dog which unites the tastes of folks from South and North.

So spread that French’s mustard, squeeze that ketchup Heinz

People of all colors, people of all kinds,

Democrats, Republicans and those that lean tea party

Today we’re all Americans: It’s Hot Dog Day — eat

hearty!

--Deborah Salomon