It’s a hot time on the old golf courses these days. It’s so hot that hens are laying fried eggs.

It’s so hot that greens are ­cooking, and I don’t mean turnip greens. There’s more brown on ­putting greens these days than there are putters.

It’s so hot that I heard a tree whistling for a dog.

Golf hasn’t had enough of a hard time because of the economy, now every course is fighting to keep its greens alive. And crabgrass is loving the heat. Instead of having Twilight Couples golf, clubs are scheduling Twilight Crabgrass Pulls for members.

Golfers aren’t flying or driving in from out of town to play golf anymore, they’re staying at home with the air conditioners turned on extra cold.

It’s so hot I saw a bird using a potholder to pull a worm out of the ground.

All this never-ending, unrelenting heat is creating severe ­problems for golf courses all around the country. Here in the Sandhills, hard-working course superintendents are sweating ­bullets as they lie awake wondering how many greens they’ll lose tomorrow.

Any member who complains about browned-out greens should be sentenced to eight days of syringing greens at noon.

Courses everywhere are dying, ­literally, for lack of play. Even when the weather is decent, a lot of people who formerly thought nothing of shelling out $65 for a round of golf are using that $65 to feed the wife and kids. Times are tough, and a lot of people are learning that they can live without playing three round of golf a week.

Golf courses are doing everything they can to attract players, of course. Specials are the order of the day. New money-saving plans are being offered.

The key for many courses, ­especially those that survive on ­outside play, is in coming up with something to get golfers to come out and play. So, if you’re a golfer looking for a bargain, you’ll never have it better.

Seven Lakes Country Club is a ­terrific layout designed by the late Peter Tufts. It’s hosting the Moore County Men’s Amateur Championship this weekend, and it’s such a popular site that it’s the Sandhills Golf Association’s Course of the Year for 2010. It’s ranked in the North Carolina Golf Panel’s Top 100.

But you can play this great course for a steal right now. A new Golf Pass promotion is being offered on a limited basis that allows golfers to purchase a six-round prepaid pass for $240 that includes a seventh round for free. Tee time reservations can be made as much as five days in advance, and all of the rounds must be played prior to Dec. 31.

This a highly-acclaimed, four-star golf course with a great ­reputation for conditioning and hospitality, but like all the other courses in the area, it needs ­bodies on the fairways.

If you’d like a Golf Pass or just want to talk more about it, call (910) 673-1092. This is a bargain.

Newsbreak: It’s so hot that North Korea just test-launched a long-range Popsicle.

Little River, a Dan Maples design that is also ranked in the state’s Top 100, is another course offering some great bargains for golfers. This one is called the Preferred Golfer Special, and it features a round of golf for $25 that includes a cart with a GPS system and range balls. And if you’ve got some friends you want to impress, you can invite seven other guys to join you at that same $25 rate.

Sound good? Call (910) 949-5010. And if you’d like to really make an impression, tell Director of Golf Marvin Waters that I sent you, and he’ll probably let you on at a very special rate of $45.

It’s so hot you can roast marshmallows on the seat of your golf cart while you’re putting.

Seriously, folks, I’m not implying here that Seven Lakes and Little River are in trouble financially, but just pointing out that everyone is feeling — dare I say it? — the heat.

The weather and this economy have brewed the perfect storm that has put some courses on the verge of bankruptcy. Sooner or later, we all feel that there’s going to be a let-up. But the question is, when?

Contact Howard Ward at (910) 867-6493 or (910) 690-2211 or by e-mail at howardward@att.net