Chicken Little and the Socialists
An old fable, updated: One day, Chicken Little was out for his walk when an acorn fell from a tree and hit him on the head. Chicken Little was a very silly chicken, so he immediately thought the worst.
"The sky is falling!" he screamed. "I have to go tell someone!"
So Chicken Little ran and ran until he came upon Foxy Loxy.
"Where are you going so fast, Chicken Little?" said Foxy Loxy.
"The sky is falling!" Chicken Little said. "I have to go tell someone!"
"Why don't you go on my television network?" said Foxy Loxy. "You can tell everyone that the sky is falling. And get your friend Henny Penny to go on the radio, and your friend Goosey Lucy to start a blog. Tell the people that the sky is falling, and that it's all the president's fault. He and all his socialist buddies."
"What's a socialist?" Chicken Little asked.
"Who cares?" Foxy Loxy said. "It sounds bad, and people are afraid of it."
"How about if I pay you a lot of money?" Foxy Loxy said.
"Why didn't you say so before?" said Chicken Little.
So Chicken Little called Henny Penny and Goosey Lucy, and they all started going around on TV and radio and the Internet, insisting that, not only was the sky falling, but that it was all the fault of the President and the socialists.
Chicken Little often broke down in tears on camera because, he said, he was so afraid for the country. People were badly frightened, but they kept tuning in. They often sent the things they heard to everyone they knew via e-mail, so the fear continued to spread.
One day, Chicken Little went to visit Foxy Loxy.
"Some people are beginning to say that the sky isn't falling after all," he complained.
"Looks like someone's drunk the Kool-Aid." Foxy Loxy laughed.
"What?" Chicken Little said.
"It's just a meaningless expression," Foxy Loxy explained. "You say it when anyone says the sky's not really falling."
"Some people are saying I was just hit on the head by an acorn."
"That's part of the liberal media conspiracy," Foxy Loxy said. "You can't believe anything they say."
"But if the sky is falling," Chicken Little asked. "Why aren't we all dead?"
"Chicken Little," Foxy Loxy said, "Do you like getting your paycheck?"
"Sure," Chicken Little answered.
"Do you really think there's any money in telling people the sky is NOT falling?"
"I guess you're right," Chicken Little said. "But aren't there other things we can scare people with?"
Foxy Loxy looked suspicious. "Like what?"
"Like I heard that there are people who are making big messes and poisoning the water and the air. And some other big companies are cheating people of their money."
"Chicken Little," Foxy Loxy said patiently, "Those people are big advertisers on my TV network. If you make people afraid of them, they might demand that the government do something about it. If the government does that, they'll make less money. If they make less money...."
"We'll make less money?" Chicken Little said.
"Exactly. And only a socialist would want something like that to happen. You're not a socialist, are you?"
"Heck, no!" Chicken Little said. "I don't even know what that is!"
"Very good," Foxy Loxy said. "So what do we tell the people?"
"The sky is falling. And it's the president's fault. Him and the socialists."
"That's my boy," said Foxy Loxy. "Now get out there and spread that fear."
So they all got back to work telling everyone that the socialists and the president were all part of a big conspiracy that was making the sky fall. Anyone who tried to say different was told they were Kool-Aid drinking socialists. And they all got rich and lived happily ever after.
Well, Chicken Little and his friends did, at least. Everyone who listened to them spent all their time being scared and angry and mistrustful, afraid that the sky was falling.
But, of course, it never did.
Dusty Rhoades lives, writes and practices law in Carthage. Contact him at email@example.com.
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