Columnist Joe Piper makes available more of the submitted limericks with the first line "My retirement funds is on hold."

Pinehurst's Regina Armswood does some soul searching:

My retirement fund is on hold,

A fate that I'd never foretold.

Now I watch every penny

'Cause I haven't got many.

Can I have my old sneakers resoled?

Bob Brown, of Pinehurst, outlines his new investment strategy:

My retirement fund is on hold

'Cause my stocks declined fifty-fold.

I had used an adviser

So my picks would be wiser

Next time I'll use darts and blindfold!

Ken Layton hits upon the root of his funding woes:

My retirement fund is on hold.

Just why, I haven't been told,

But the firm's CEO

Left for bright Mexico

With his car trunk stuffed full of gold.

The portfolio of Southern Pines' Wally Stefany bottomed out.

My retirement fund is on hold;

What once was so hot now is cold,

Stocks that used to be stellar

Now dwell in the cellar

For when, as, and if I get old.

My retirement fund is on hold,

And my venturesome nature's less bold.

My wallet bears sutures

Whence came cash to buy futures;

Now I have no large bills left to fold.

Seven Lakes' Ted Atwood receives cold comfort:

My retirement fund is on hold

In the "school of hard knocks" I've enrolled,

Where the lessons I'm learning

Have set my stomach churning.

My investments, once hot, have turned cold.

Also, Ted believes in buying high:

My retirement fund is on hold

In the past I was daring and bold.

But now prudence prevails

As I chew on my nails, I bought high...

while the smart money sold.

Jean Matyas of Anchorage, Alaska, faces a life-long grind:

My retirement fund is on hold,

For the rest of my life, so I'm told.

No golfing or fishing,

Stay home and stop wishing

For the life you thought would unfold.

Pinehurst's Kendra McGirt contemplates capital crime:

My retirement fund is on hold

My investment firm has been sold

How to get at the dough?

Kidnap the CEO?

Now that is a thought that is bold!

Hal Hudson of Seven Lakes laments the loss of a golden opportunity:

My retirement fund is on hold

I bought when smart investors sold.

Instead, all those stock

Prices dropped like a rock.

I should have invested in gold!

Pinehurst's Marye Bigler hits upon the ticket to prosperity:

My retirement fund is on hold

So before I'm left out in the cold,

Some good luck I will need

To know how to succeed.

Lott'ry tickets could turn into gold!

Robert Knoll of Whispering Pines, blames the so-called experts:

My retirement fund is on hold.

I'm hanging on rather than fold.

If those experts' blather

Hadn't muddled the matter,

I would have acted and sold.

Judy Auch reminds us that money can't buy happiness.

My retirement fund is on hold

But my life continues to unfold.

If you think money's the way

To keep happy each day,

You may not see beyond getting old.

Our current contest has this leading line: "There once was a (fellow/lady) named (name)..." Select gender and name, then write the verse. Deadline is May 31, with results appearing on Wednesday, June 24.

The leading line for our new contest: "Swimsuit weather -- it's time to take stock..." What's the verdict? Deadline is June 30; limericks will be published on Wednesday, July 29.

E-mail your verses to joelimericks@embarqmail.com. Or mail them to Limericks, The Pilot, PO Box 58, Southern Pines, NC 28388. By submitting limericks, you agree to have them edited and published at any time without compensation.