A first-time contributor to this column, Clare Martin, is our newest Limerick Laureate.

Her verses:

My retirement fund is on hold.

Down the river I think I've been sold.

So, "Obama," I holler,

"Just send me my dollar!

If you don't mind my being so bold."

My retirement fund is on hold.

What's left is beginning to mold.

I once had a lot,

Now I have diddly-squat.

If this game was poker, I'd fold!

Clare Martin was born in Baltimore, Md. Her family moved to Lenoir when she was three months old, and the majority of her life has been spent in the state. Clare now lives in Southern Pines, where she resides with her husband, Brian, and her mother.

Now retired, she previously served as typesetter and proofreader for a printing company. Martin enjoys music, writing her own lyrics to popular songs, reading and animals.

Pinehurst's Regina Armswood feels Donne in more way than one.

My retirement fund is on hold

Though I thought it was safely bankrolled.

Then the stock market fell.

Came the closing bell,

It was us for whom that bell tolled.

Bob Brown, also of Pinehurst, is burned up at Bernie.

My retirement fund is on hold

And I just cannot be consoled

'Cause my life's in the tank

I've got Bernie to thank

I should have invested in gold.

Ken Layton may find himself car-less in Carthage.

My retirement fund is on hold;

I'm shunned by my friends, young and old.

My credit is nil;

I've nary a skill;

I guess my Bentley's got to be sold.

Our current contest has this leading line: "There once was a (fellow/lady) named (name)..." Select gender and name, then write the verse. Deadline is May 31, with results appearing on Wednesday, June 24.

The leading line for our new contest: "Swimsuit weather -- it's time to take stock..." What's the verdict? Deadline is June 30; limericks will be published on Wednesday, July 29.

E-mail your verses to joelimericks@embarqmail.com. Or mail them to Limericks, The Pilot, PO Box 58, Southern Pines, NC 28388.

Joe Piper, a resident of Seven Lakes, may be reached at joelimericks@embarqmail.com.