As we all know, the dental business is looking down, it's curtains for the theater, and the mining industry is rocky, but are you aware of some of the other signs of a worsening economy?

Asphalt paving has hit a hard road. The vacuum business sucks. Granite statues are going nowhere. Window manufacturing is clearly through. Lawn maintenance has been cut. Board games have been played out. Wooden ramps are declining. Shoes have been trod upon.

The gasoline-storage industry has tanked. Janitorial services are washed up. Casino gambling is a bad bet, mostly because dice have been shaken. Peach propagation is in the pits. Luggage clasps have been shut down and hinges are closing doors.

The Roquefort cheese business stinks. Most new books have been shelved, although reference books are still questionable. The dieting industry is showing losses.

Outdoor grilling is over and done. Notebook paper has been totally ruled out. Paper towels have dried up and bathroom towels have folded. The ice cream industry's assets have been frozen. The bottom's dropped out of infants' sleepwear.

Lemon futures are sour. The rope industry is tied in knots. Ammunition and firearms are completely shot. The ladies' lingerie industry has been handing out pink slips. And, dear editor, please note that newspapers are soon to be written off.

Jonathan Scott

Vass