PAT SMITH: Blue Sure Is Better Than the Big E
This is the inaugural column of "A Blue Ribbon or the Big E."
Blue is the traditional color of a first-place ribbon in equestrian sports in the United States. It designates a first-place finish in a competition.
The "Big E" stands for elimination from the competition. This means you have made an error and are totally out. You are not eligible for any ribbon.
I'm taking a similar approach to The Pilot's "Bogeys and Birdies" section that appears on the editorial page. However, my designations are a bit more tongue-and-cheek or shall we say cheeky.
It's possible that the AP wire will want to pick this column up for the "The Manure Basket." "The Manure Basket" is published weekly in the back of a horse-trailer in Looser Ville, La. I hear they are looking for an equestrian editor.
So here is the first installment.
A Blue Ribbon: Goes to "Darth Vader" driving his black bomber (license plate MJP) for being the only person driving down Youngs Road actually going at or below the speed limit of 45 mph. This six-time equestrian Olympic medal winner is providing a role model for all of us. Most people seem to be going 65 mph.
I know this because otherwise they wouldn't be able to pass me going 60 mph trying to get around Mr. Darth Vader.
The Big E: To The Pilot for running an advertisement for Moore County sports Feb. 9 and not including a photograph of equestrian sports along with one of baseball, basketball, football, softball and golf.
The advertisement appeared on the obituary page, which is fitting since "they're killing me here."
A Blue Ribbon: To this classified advertisement in the Pilot -- "A steal, 12-year-old mare Tennessee Walker; electric fence, metal post, hay/feed, saddles, bridles, halters. Everything you need to ride."
Translation: Please steal my horse that you can ride only within an electric fenced-in area. The mare took out all the posts except for one post while trying to run my leg up against the electric wire as we loped around the field.
I have multiple bridles so I can piece at least one set of tack together to ride her since she tends to chew the reins when I stop to let her graze.
I'm willing to part with my Australian deep seat stock saddle because it's the only saddle I'm relatively sure will hold the rider in place when the mare takes off bucking across the field. I'll actually throw in the Western saddle that is scratched beyond repair from the wire fence.
I want her out of here so badly I'm willing to give you a year's worth of feed and hay to get the job done. I don't have a trailer since I found out early on she doesn't load so you'll have to ride the spirited mare to your farm.
If I were looking for a horse, I would run, not walk, to buy this one. We finally have an honest seller on our hands who is willing to tell us the whole story behind the horse he has for sale.
You've got to respect that.
Patricia Smith can be reached at fotobyTocco@vbbi.us
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